Dec 4, 2007

Position and Perception

Its been awhile since I have posted anything and thats mainly due to a big move. I have relocated to Charlotte, NC as a result of a promotion within the company but at a different facility. I am really looking forward to whatever is in store. New faces, new challenges, new doors open as others close.

On the drive home, as my drive home would have it, regardless of where I may call "home".... I was thinking about the new position.. and how it really is our Position that dictates our Perception.

As we experience life and all the wisdom that comes with it...our perceptions change. Think about it. Imagine yourself in the middle of a forest, lost without a clue as to which way to go. The one thing that could change everything is simply literally and figuratively "rising above it". If you could literally rise above the forest and see where the tree line ends, you'd immediately know which direction to head.

It reminds me of the story of the people that were lost in the wilderness.... story in the Bible that escapes me. But suffice it to say if they could just rise above it...they would have seen they were just going around in circles.

Whenever I want to see things in a different perspective I project my consciousness above whatever the circumstance may be and view it from above, per se. I always compare our lives to an army of ants and sometimes I have to sit back and laugh. I mean really, what would you think about ants suddenly stopping their very worthy work, to rush out to the malls on Black Friday to snatch up the latest new toy (only to be recalled lately) or parading around on floats waving at spectators?

It also reminds me of a clip from the movie "The Mothman Prophecies". I can't recall in detail the dialogue, but the conversation that was underway sought to compare one man's perception of what appeared to be the ability to tap into knowledge unknown. Several blocks away in a highrise someone could be witnessing a car accident in the middle of an intersection, while someone else, 2 blocks away at street level could be clueless as to what was taking place. The vantage point of the guy in the highrise gives him special priviledges because of where he is located, or his Position.

It really is funny when you think of how we as a race, society, etc act and even moreso on how we react.

Truly our position defines our perception. So when things are to complicated to figure out, and you can't see the forest for the trees, change your position and obtain a different vantage point, it really does make all the difference.

Sep 20, 2007

Christine's take on Forgiveness

With her permission, I have posted the last paragraph of a recent entry Christine Kane posted on her very own blog you can find here.

The recent post was titled "How to Forgive Someone" and well worth your time spent to read. Please click on over to Christine's blog at the above link or the ones you find to the right of this page and be enlightened, entertained and above all, inspired.

And she writes......
"There are obviously many paths to forgiveness. That was one path for me. The question of how to forgive someone can only be answered by each person who chooses to forgive. Forgiveness is an act of creativity. As such, it will have nuances and lessons that could only come through its creator. For a while, it may feel messy. It may feel ugly. But as Caroline Myss says on one of those tapes, 'You have this choice: to get bitter, or to get better.'"

Sep 13, 2007

Whats in DNA?

Those of you who know me, are familiar with my obsessive fascination with DNA and all the research and discoveries that have taken place over the past few years. I can assure you that fascination is as strong as ever. And, it is articles such as the one you see here
that reignite that fervent interest.

This information if you read it and comprehend it, supports the science behind prayer. In a book I recently read by Gregg Braden, he asks Tibetan Monks, the secret in their prayers. Their reply was something along the lines of "we become the prayer". In "Messages from the Water".. author, Masaru Emoto details an experiment conducted using prayer to purify a large body of water, in this case one of the most polluted lakes in Japan. His research even goes further to study water/ice crystals and the effect certain words, melodies or music has on the shape and formation of the water molecules.

This article is really a MUST READ... again you can find it here .

Take time to read it and all the books you have read recently such as "The Power of Positive Thinking", "The Secret" , "What the Bleep Do We Know", etc...will become crystal clear.

The implications of this research are so far reaching and almost incomprehensible. Please do yourself a favor, read it!!!

Remember 09-11-01?

Today, as I was stopped in traffic waiting for the light to change I noticed one of the ECU transit buses about to cross the intersection. Nothing unusual, out of ordinary. But then there it was on the overheard marquee that is illuminated typically with advertisements, or where the bus is heading.... "Remember 09-11-01". My internal reaction was probably unlike most. For a second I was jolted back to the day. At the time I was working for a large healthcare compay as long term care A/R manager. My office was inside one of the long term care facilities and there were resident rooms nearby typically with a television that was on 24/7. I watched it "live" as the second plane crashed and I knew without any doubt the buildings would come down. That afternoon on my way home, traveling Hwy 40 East in Greensboro, where I lived at the time... I noticed military helicopters patrolling the air, near many airplane fuel tanks. I remember calling my dad, wanting to know where he was and that all was ok. For a brief time it seemed like the world was at war and the U.S. was right in the middle of it.

Then it hit me. I was screaming inside. "How can I freaking forget 9/11????!!!!" How can I freaking forget all that has changed since. What about the Patriot Act, what about the constant and consistent infringement upon my rights as a U.S. Citizen, how can I forget the bullshit that was shoved down our throats as a reason to go to war, that continues to rage? How can I forget?

Granted, before I go to far down this path, let me say I have a great deal of compassion for all the innocent victims of such a terrible crime, whether it was one or five thousand. If anything I want to remember who was left behind, the empty space that is left when you lose someone, that I am quite familiar with. My heart is with them all.

So no offense to ECU's transit system for choosing to remember 9/11/01 - but rather than remember the "day" remember the people who lost their lives, and the ones who freely gave theirs trying to save others. Remember the families that were left behind. Add to that the continual lives both innocent and not, that are continuing to be lost. And don't just remember OUR troops, remember the innocent lives of other countries that we are destroying for the cause that has been so publicized, marketed, and propagated.... which is? I am not sure anymore... was it because of weapons of mass destruction? Oh thats right... Its been so confusing these last few years. The real reason or the reasons for this continual war seem to change. But it doesn't matter now does it? Just as long as I "Remember 09-11-01"

I was amazed, as the light changed and I crossed the intersection, continuing to stare at the marquee... amazed that we truly are like little sheep, following whatever we are bombarded with, rallying behind someone else's cause and choosing to believe all that we see and hear.

What really frightens me, is that as much as we "remember 09-11-01", we forget about the thousands of people that die each year from medical errors, from the common flu, while also forgetting the shortage we have for vaccinations because we for whatever reasons can't produce enough. But we can afford to spend millions daily on a war. Do you remember the children that are murdered each year, the number of women that are abused or raped every hour? No you don't... you can't bring that fateful day back to the forefront of your mind, because its EVERYDAY...and because that isn't 'marketed" and shoved down your throat it doesn't become seared into your consciousness - like 9/11/01.

No I won't forget, but at the same time I will remember, that I have a brain and consciousness of my own and I will use it to remember all that the mass media and those that rally behind them, fail to bring to light, fail to acknowledge and so calculatingly overlook.

Unfortunately, today, the events of 9/11/01 pale in comparison to all that it has caused. And each time I turn on NPR, or the news and all I hear about is war, I remember. Yes, every time I read the paper, or peruse the net stumbling across a snippet of a veteran's blog, or catch a glimpse of a camel spider bite, I remember.

I remember.

Sep 6, 2007

The Sinner's Prayer

I've been saying for years, Salvation as taught by traditional Christianity, does not come with saying the "Sinner's Prayer"... ok ok I know alot of you will disagree because its been seared into your consciousness, but I still had to repost this (with permission)...believe what you will, but I can assure you if Salvation was a easy as repeating something someone else says and even comprehending it... wouldn't we or shouldn't we have this set up at every drive through window? I mean.. thats what much of modern day Christianity is about... fast, conveinent and cheap. It's a multibillion dollar industry and you the consumer are being fed junk food. But thats what many are seeking, a quick fix - just remember, you usually get what you pay for.

Article below:
by Pastor Ray Baumann.

Attention all churches! This is an information recall on the sinner's prayer that has been repeated over and over again for the last 100 years. This recall is an effort to repent before God for negligence in evangelism and to prevent more damage by producing more false converts. For years churches thought that all a person had to do was repeat a prayer to be saved. The "sinner's prayer" is not found anywhere in the New Testament, nor is there a single instance ofany sinner directed to pray for their salvation. In churches of all denominations, it is rare for people to mourn their sin. Instead, churchgoers are encouraged to just believe and repeat a prayer, which is meant to signify that they've accepted Christ as their personal savior.

The sinner's prayer goes a little like this:"Repeat after me, Jesus I now confess to you all of the wrong and sinful things that I have ever done in my life. I ask that you please forgive me and wash away all of my sins by the blood that you have personally shed for me on the cross. I am now ready to accept you as my personal Lord and Savior. I now ask that you come into my life and live with me for all of eternity. I now believe that I am truly saved and born again." Just believing in Jesus doesn't make you a Christian, just like believing in Osama Bin Ladin doesn't make you a terrorist. It is not a belief that recognizes someone's existence in history either, because even the devil believes in Christ. "You believe that God is one, you do well; the demons also believe, and shudder," James 2:19. It's abelief that changes who you are from the inside out.

This recall is exposing churches that make light of repentance and claim it is the same as faith, or redefine it so that it has nothing to do with sin. The sinner's prayer is not the Biblical pattern for evangelism. Churches that use this technique are following a manmade formula. Throughout history, Bible preachers and prophets have always proclaimed repentance. After extensive study and research it has been discovered that repeating a prayer does nothing. As a result, this recall will affect millions of churchgoers that have a false sense of eternal security because they have been affirmed by the local church for taking this action. We have found that repeating a sinner's prayer has no link to salvation in Jesus Christ. People affected by this recall include anyone who has ever attended church, a camp meeting and crusades and/or repeated the sinner's prayer.

As of Aug 31, 2007 there is an unofficial moratorium of the sinner's prayer.

Studies are showing that repeating the sinner's prayer has no saving power, no matter if it was repeated in front of one person or 10,000. No matter who led you in the prayer, whether it was Billy Graham or Bill Clinton, a signed pledge card will not save you. Salvation cannot be found through repeating a prayer. Action must be taken for those who trust their eternity to a repeated prayer to save them from the judgment to come.Effective immediately, every person must examine themselves as instructed in 2 Corinthians 13:5. "Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves; that Jesus Christ is in you unless indeed you fail the test?"Has there been a change in your life?

This recall will be very costly for the church and they may or may not embrace this message. It will be too embarrassing for many churches to find out that the majority of their attendees are unsaved. There will be a clear, defining line between believers and make-believers. Many will continue in cheapening the gospel message that makes a mockery out of Christianity. There is a big difference between thinking you are saved and being born again. Someone who is truly born again identifies with the sacrifice Christ made on the cross for their sin. The debt that they could not pay and an eternal gratitude exists that reprioritizes one's life.

True saving faith (belief) is followed by obedience to the Word of God. It's a dying to self and to sin to protect the new relationship with an Almighty God. A believer's testimony is more than recalling a prayer that was recited. It must recall the events that brought them to the realization of the sin in their life and that theirgreatest need is to be forgiven by repenting and turning from their old life and walking with Christ.

For further self examinations please see 1 John 5.
~ Distributed by

Sep 4, 2007

To be Known

As I was re-reading some of the posts and thinking to myself what others might think as they read... it came to my mind that the reason, once again I started this blog was to be known. I think about the people I have shared this with and who has taken the time even if only a few times to come back and read.

Thank you for showing interest, enough interest to validate me, to acknowledge me and to say just in your actions that you wanted to hear what I had to say, you wanted to know what was on my mind. Even if we don't talk very often. It has value and worth.

Maybe that is why so many people have blogs these days, they simply want to be known. We have placed so much emphasis on whats on the outside that we often times never reach the inside. Everyone wants to be heard, everyone wants to share themselves even if only in thought.

Family... you know the people that are related to you by blood, by marriage. I don't expect them to read it, some I have't even shared it with.. heck some don't even know my phone numbers, much more how to navigate a website, or the patience it takes to read. But its ok, they know a little of both, the inside and outside. It's a wash, a good balance.

Some day, provided Blogger keeps the site going, many of us will be on a different journey or won't be here at all... to continue the rants and raves, the jibberish and deep thought provoking discertations that find their way onto the server..... but we will remain, here in the words, along the length of sentences and bad grammar, weaving in and out through the paragraphs.... here they'll find us somewhere in the past and present all at once....and it will be then, that they will come to know us.


This is actually a portion of an email I sent to a friend this evening...

When I was driving home, something odd struck me in the way the trees were standing there... call me crazy, a lunatic whatever you will.. but I recognized them for once as true living beings. Some are just part of the crowd, others stand out and others are confined to a life along the fume filled freeway, but yet they have dignity because they were chosen for their beauty. It seemed like they were all saying at once "notice me"... "look over here".. They all looked at me, and they all wanted something from me. To be noticed. To be acknowledged. To be validated.

I can relate. People let me down, but maybe my expectations are to high. People are selfish, why shouldn't I be. People can be unforgiving, why? I'm sad, and I don't wanna talk about it. It never helps...really. All the answers I need are right here with me and I'll find them.

I know the truth, but fail to live it some times.

I wonder if the trees ever had Hope.. and what they did with it, where did they project it and what happened when it didn't come to fruition. They just keep living and don't seem to question their purpose.

I'm not giving enough lately, and it hurts. I've been distracted.

I'm tired, weary, and some days I just wanna go home, you know? I just wanna go home.

I feel better now...

Thanks for e-listening... don't respond... just know I'm sharing my heart with you, the good the bad the ugly :-)

(I am glad I wrote about Hope -previous post- while it was fresh - its good to go back and remind our souls what it is, when it's lost).

Aug 23, 2007

Hope, it does a body good.


Wikipedia says Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope implies a certain amount of perserverance — i.e., believing that a positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary.

Hope creates new destinys and new journeys. Hope is a door that appears where there once wasn't one. Hope creates options and alternatives, hope is an idea, a belief, a drive, a desire and faith in something greater, something beyond the here and now.

Hope is a vehicle that takes us to the places unknown, but the same places we dream about.

Hope is the locomotion of life.

Aug 20, 2007

August 20, 1947 Happy Birthday Mom!

Today was my mom's birthday. She passed away May 29, 1998 from complications of breast cancer.

As I took my breaks today and had time to think without interruptions, I thought about you. You are always there in my mind, but you take center stage from time to time. My heart aches, sometimes moreso than others. I have contemplated so much about death and dying and what takes place afterwards since you have been gone. Today, more than any other, the new perception of death that has been developing was almost solidified in my mind.

A conclusion I have made is that I miss you. And "you"...are an expression of God. In essence I miss that expression that created You, is evidenced by you, and continues to live long past that of your body, your voice, the way your hair smelled and the way you walked. There is so much more, but the older I get the harder I find it to separate ourselves past, present and future from that which created us. I know this as our Creator, the God of my understanding. The One who knows me. Interestingly, the very first post of this blog explains my purpose in doing so... to be known. Isn't that what we all want? To be known? And just as you and I, mother and son, knew and know each other - so we loved and love each other.

Today, in the silence I was screaming out to say "You haven't been forgotten"... when all the world continues to spin (out of control lately), and when we ourselves have to be reminded of where we are and what we're suppose to be doing.... you are remembered!!! No, out of sight doesn't mean out of mind, you are loved so greatly, so deeply, so genuinely.

What is being solidified in my mind as I remember you and the anniversary of your birth? That just as I am a brother and a son, a manager, friend, a neighbor and a stranger passing someone by on the street. I am also an expression of something much greater. We are like the breath of God that permeates the atmosphere for just a time, until we are taken back in.

Birthdays... to me they are the days that God decided to express himself in the form of a human being. Uniquely different and expressive themselves, perfectly formed in their own way. Not unlike the expression of the countryside or the sunrise, such perfect beauty in all things. We are surrounded by God, a part of God, of each other. For the readers... just as you may write a poem, song, or paint a picture, you are choosing to express yourself, just as God did when you were conceived in the womb and became manifest as a child.

I find it hard to be sad these days, while my heart aches and longs to experience that expression of my mom again, I know I will experience you, the love that was so perfectly that of a mother, again. I do now.

Thank you for all the years of unconditional, undying and perfect love. Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Thank you God for expressing yourself through my mother.

Jul 30, 2007


I recently was very close to purchasing a new vehicle. My current car has over 102k miles, it needs a few minor repairs(at least I hope they are minor) and it rides great, etc. I was about to fall into that trap we all do from time to time, some more than others, of immediate gratification. But the voice within kept saying, "be in debt to no man"... why... because debt makes you a slave, your master becomes someone else. Granted I am in debt with my mortgage some credit cards and few other small things here and there. I know hundreds more in great debt than myself....but still debt is debt no matter how great or small.

I only test drove one car... which was smart. I never got emotionally attached to anything. I always called ahead, gave my info and asked the salesman to go ahead and run a credit check. I wanted to know what the deal was before it was attached (as well as me) to any particular vehicle. Smart move...

When I drove the one I was interested in the most, I was convinced at 13mpg this was not the car for me. Rather, it was a 2006 Grand Jeep Cherokee, 4WD and very nice. I didn't haggle or make small talk long, and walked away.

Walking away, was liberating!!! I could have been indebted for 5 or more years within a matter of minutes... but instead I am 12 months away from being car payment free (provided my car continues to run).

With that decision not to buy, I alleviated stress, reduced the necessity to make more money, work longer hours, or a combination of a thousand things that result in the pressure and obligation that debt brings. I maintained and even increased the level of freedom I currently have... I maintained and increased the level of peace I have....and more importantly I reinforced this type of decision making, by creating strength for the next 'crossroad' if you will.

Freedom is not about the freedom to get into debt. Its about being unattached to things through debt, through ties. And in some sense, freedom is just a going and coming, if you walk out of something, you must be walking into something else. If you are being freed by one thing, you are becoming captive by another.

I am a little more free today than I was yesterday.

But also a little more captive, at least to Best Buy - where I decided to purchase and have installed, a new stereo system for the 102k mile car. A big difference between the couple of hundred I pay for the stereo versus the 25k or so I was about committ to on a new car.

Jul 26, 2007

When the Fat Lady Sings

When its all done and said, when the curtain is called and the fat lady sings -what does it come down to?

I decided to write something else tonight (early A.M.) I'm not completely sure where its going, but I need to get this frustration, anger and anything else out. The older I get the less patience I have and the more disgust I have for the world I find myself in. Lately, I have been thinking more about the time when I leave this earth to exist elsewhere. Maybe thats what everyone does when they reach my age.... soon 37. With last year's diagnosis of diabetes and all that has come with it, and a few problems here and there, it brings the reality of death into focus. I think its a good thing. It reminds me of a song, "Refiner's Fire"... and how gold is purified... or a message an older friend spoke about years ago .. "The Cream Rises to the Top"... I think thats what happens when we truly face the fact that these bodies were not designed to last forever, especially in today's environment, genetically modified food, and preservatives.

I never feared death, but was more intrigued by it. Granted I have a different perspective on death than most, thanks to the NDE. But I've had a reality check, the heat was turned up and some things on my "to do" list simply lost their position - maybe I will do them, maybe not. Its not important anymore. I watched a few minutes of Oprah and clips from her talk radio show, she was speaking about trials. Trials help us know who we are, what we're made of, what makes us tick. I've had my share - possibly have met my lifetime quota, it takes alot to shake me these days.

An old friend has cancer. We have talked a few times, but we haven't maintained any sort of a friendship over the past few years for many reasons - he just completed chemo and well, frankly I am not sure how he is doing. I need to visit and will, but waiting on his call back. The visit will complete a circle for us both. No hard feelings or anything, we just were at different points in our lives and so a friendship was not maintained. However, there was enough substance there to continue to speak every once in while.

The person I use to think of as the "one and only" seems happy, complete and fulfilled. I realized the other day, the "one and only" no longer exists, just a memory and this person, is just that, a person, whom I love that symbolizes something greater that we all have within us....Love itself... and God is Love.

The person that I have many dinners with and talk to often, at least every other day or so, potentially has a solid new relationship with someone. It's time and I think it will work out. I can see part of my purpose here being fulfilled, its good.

So what else.. I'm needing a change. Something unexpected. I am feeling like I do from time to time.... which is the urge to pick up move away, change my numbers, hit the road and start again somewhere else. But I can't see it happening. I don't have the energy for it. I've settled in. There is something liberating about change, adventuresome, makes you feel alive. I don't like getting comfortable as I once did.. it means I get attached to places, things, and habits. I don't want that.

It's late, and not much substance to this post. Just my thoughts finding their way through my fingertips onto the keyboard and ultimately in front of anyone willing to read it.

So there - I'm done... at least for now.

Lindsay Lohan vs Tammy Faye

Ever had one of those days when you just want to say to the world "I'm done"... I think I had one today. One of my better and possibly worse qualities is that I tend to think and think alot. Thinking alot opens the door for even more analyzing. Most days its a good thing, some days its bad.

I am so freaking tired of seeing and hearing about Lindsay Lohan's most recent arrest, but I am even more sick of the media for airing it. Who really give's a rat's ass? Apparently the majority of the population because they tune in to it like buzzards to road kill. It's so disgusting to think that we give more airtime to air dirty laundry and make a spectacle out of someone's addiction and obviously deeper issues, than we do something decent and worthy of the 6 o'clock news.

I decided to look at the interview of Tammy Faye Messener with Larry King on Youtube instead.... it was sad, heartbreaking. I lost my own mother to cancer in 1998, and the image of Tammy Faye's 65 pound body and hearing her struggle to speak brought back many memories. Now there is something (although tough at times) is a little more in line. I woman who overcame, and still held her head high even to the very end. She was honest, humbled, and she believed in something greater than herself and was true to that belief right down to her last breath. What does anyone believe in these days?

I mean really "world at large" do you honestly think after a long days work dealing with all the stresses that come along with it, that I want to come home and see and hear some of the crap that is being force fed to us on the tube?

And I can't begin to tell how many spam emails I have received over the past few weeks that want me to contact someone in another country because they want to give me millions of US Dollars, transferring it from their bank to mine. Does anyone else get these? I think the mastermind behind it has a quota to meet, along with the guy who keeps sending me emails about my compromised account at XYZ Bank (of which I don't have accounts with).... its ridiculous.

Interesting what a few hours can change in our perceptions, our mood, etc.

I'm tired, I'm weary, so often I am reminded that this world is not my home. There is such a growing contrast with what I find inside as compared to what I see on the outside.

Jul 24, 2007

How Can I Keep From Singing?

I haven't had much to say lately and tonight isn't any different. However, I do want to say something but lack the words - so I will share what is on my mind through the lyrics of one of my favorite songs. This is "How Can I Keep From Singing" by Enya.

My life goes on in endless song above earth's lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn that hails a new creation.

Through all the tumult and the strife I hear its music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul. How can I keep from singing?

While though the tempest loudly roars, I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness 'round me close,songs in the night it giveth.

No storm can shake my inner most calm, while to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earthhow can I keep from singing?

When tyrants tremble in their fear and hear their death knell ringing,
when friends rejoice both far and near how can I keep from singing?

In prison cell and dungeon vile our thoughts to them are winging,
when friends by shame are undefiled
how can I keep from singing?

Jul 11, 2007


I was staying up way to late tonight to make a cd for a friend, who's falling love.... to celebrate.

"Be With You" the remix by Enrique Iglesias came up, I played it... I got the biggest rush, electric goose pimples, closed my eyes and went back a few years... what a trip. Such great memories. I can still smell the cool air rushing by me in the clubs, the lights and vibration of the music coursing through my body.....that warm, overwhelming feeling of being absolutely and totally in love, not just with someone, but with life.... the latter has stayed with me. But none of it ever goes away.

It's exhilirating. Like jumping on a rocket and being catapulted out into the universe at the speed of light and never slowing down.

I am so thankful, so grateful, so humbled that something this great and powerful lives within me. I can't imagine life without it.

Jul 3, 2007

"Baby Give It Up".....

Tuesday afternoon, Tiffany is having her nails done and I have a burst of energy knowing I am off tomorrow for the July 4th holiday. So....we decide to have a late dinner. Good conversation, good company.... then as we are about to leave I hear the faint, familiar upbeat tune. Its hard to hear over the many conversations, clanging of dishes, the traffic.... but I stop on the way out just to listen until I recognize it. Ahhhhhh.... KC & the Sunshine Band!!! "Everybody wants you, everbody wants your love, I'd just like to make you mine all mine.... na, na, na, na, now... Baby give it up!" I love this song! It makes you want to dance. Its happy. I can see myself listening to it over and over (already have) on the way to work and on the way home. I can see myself stopped in traffic with the windows down, playing it loud it enough so others can hear a little..... Simple pleasures..... they're great. If you haven't heard it, go to iTunes or Napster and find it, you gotta listen, its great and will get you mov'in. It reminds me of when I use to go up to DC and dance for what seemed to be non-stop for 12-14 hrs. They would play a remix of this song every once in a while....this song along with an instrumental version of "I'll be your Bodyguard" that was a bit faster and remixed. There were two of the most beautiful Asian girls who would always dance. I would always stop so I could focus soley on watching them... what a blast. Every once in while I'd dance with them. I was in another world, with the strobe lights and their beautiful, black silky hair, smooth skin and bright eyes..... they were always dressed in black and danced really well. They were always on the dance floor when the "happy songs" were playing. I can't recall a more exciting time, getting lost in the music, completely and utterly lost, lifted so high up and care free. Awesome times. It was pure Joy! So is "Baby Give it Up" ........ give it a listen and turn your speakers up!!!!!!!!

Jun 26, 2007


Today was not unlike any other. However, someone's situation caused me to think and ultimately be thankful. She was waiting outside the PT department, in a motorized wheelchair, dozing off as I made my way down the hall. Before I ever reached her, something inside me smiled. I was aware of her situation, thinking to myself she probably often times has been overlooked, maybe even shunned, or made to be an outcast even if it was just a moment... strangers passing her by, never looking her in the eyes....never acknowledging her presence because its easier to deny. As if.... she wasn't there, as if she wasn't bound to a wheelchair, as if she didn't have to depend on others..... as if, imperfection was not part of this world, whatever perfection may or may not be.

So I said to myself before I ever reached her, knowing she was probably half asleep.... that I would acknowledge her, that I would say hi and ask how she was or just have a brief moment where we exchange words - my way of saying "I know you are here, alive, and breathing, that you have value and so I acknowledge you, and accept you as you are"... thats what I wanted to convey, some aspect of Love. So I did..

"Hi...... it's easy to fall asleep out here".... she opened her eyes at my hello, and as I finished...she smiled, and laughed and said "Yes"... thats all that was needed. It made me feel good, it brought laughter and a smile to her face.

So I moved further down the hall, and the "voice" within said... "How can we not be thankful?" To have two capable legs that carry us where we want to go, to have the freedom and independence that so many take for granted. To be able to run and not be at the mercy of a battery operated device to take us places? What about going to the restroom? How can we not be thankful to have the priviledge to go the restroom on our own? In our own privacy? How can we not be thankful???

How can we? Not be thankful? To be able to simply get out of bed in the morning, to breath, to have jobs to go to, to be priviledged in so, so many ways.

What are you thankful for today? We have so much to be thankful over, from the fact that we even live to all those around us that we love and cherish. Thank you God, thank you for everything, from the bed I sleep in at night, to the alarm clock that wakes me, to the house I live in, to the car I drive, for these "things" but moreso God, thank you for the peace... thank you for humbling me today and for helping me bring a brief smile to someone's face. Thank you for showing me what isn't, so that I can appreciate what is.

Jun 25, 2007

Sushi with Strangers

I'd be unfair if I said that truly, I was having Sushi with a stranger. A busy hectic day, new roommate moving in, behind on work as well as school, rushing back to the town I live in to get a much needed haircut - the phone rings. Its Rebecca, what a pleasant surprise. She visited once before to contemplate being a roommate, she chose a place closer to the hospital (she is doing her residency).... so as a "Thank you" to my hospitality - prior to her moving here, she calls me up and wants to take me to dinner. Rebecca is stunningly beautiful, well educated, Boston accent and while she may not appear it at times, I discern that she is very insightful. So she suggests sushi...mmmm. So we meet up at this place she has heard good things about. I arrive before she does, it's crowded, small, but lively, friendly. Its a young crowd for the most part - an atmosphere of the "fad" associated with consuming sushi, to excitement in the air over a change from the norm. We sit at the bar and she orders a large variety for me to try, while we discuss her move, bits and pieces of our lives, etc.. Good company, good food, and good japanese beer. Certainly, a much needed detour from the hustle and bustle of a typical Monday. Thanks Rebecca! I have new hang out for great food, and it was a pleasure to see you made it safely to good ole NC and are settling in. Hopefully, we will do again sometime!

Jun 17, 2007

Home is where the Heart is

One aspect of Heaven, for me at least, was having no sense of time or space. Read about the near death experience if you want to hear about it.

Sometimes, there are circumstances, experiences, or just moments of meditation that bring about this lost sense of time or space. You know, when you're driving home from work in the afternoon and before you know it, you've arrived without remembering much about the drive?

Last weekend, was no different. Only I was sitting across from someone who I love. We were having lunch, and for a moment while I looked into their eyes - I was lost, but present. I had no sense of anything or anyone around me, my peripheral vision was gone and the only thing that existed was that moment. And within that moment, all the years of friendship and experiences with this person, good, bad, indifferent and life changing seemed to be relived. It was refreshing, peaceful, and for a moment I felt like I was "home" again.

This person was the doorway to something greater. This person represented possibility, hope, eternity. This person was the key that opened a door, to a much better life, one full of peace. God revealed himself (unlike the NDE) in a way that I could understand and experience daily, through this person. God showed Himself, through the great love I experienced with this person.

I remember writing a story about "The House that ______ Built"... through this great and unconditional love, actually a home was built within me. A home that is safe, secure, loving and has a solid foundation. One that is suitable for others but more importantly for myself. Its the place I live.

So as we might experience joy and happiness through others and even partake in each other's "Heaven" from time to time... looking across the table into this person's eyes, seeing the smile on their face, and hearing the sound of their voice - revealed with clarity again, this great and powerful love that exists inside me, in each of us.

And so, my heart is with you even when I am not. Reuniting even for a few moments, takes me back "home" in a way that can't be described. Home is home you know... it is where the heart lies... with others, at different places and times. Home is a place of peace without expectation or reservation. Its secure, and comforting. A place of protection as well as freedom.

Jun 7, 2007

Christine Kane's Website

Just a quick note this evening to encourage you to visit Christine Kane's website if you haven't already. She's not only a great singer/songwriter but a great resource for encouragement, self help, empowerment, enthusiasm and all around healthy living.

There are a few links to the right on my sidebar that lists her latest posts on her blog that you can read now, or later. Every time I need some encouraging words about almost anything, I always head to her site.

Really, its worth the trip/click, try it you might like it.

Jun 6, 2007

Who Are You?

This is a repeating theme with me lately. The question: "Who Are You?".

Think about it. Who are you really? We obtain our identities by the people we know, the position we hold in our families, our jobs, the things we like to do, the places we visit, the culture we place ourselves in. But does it really answer that question?

Today I was a manager, and acted as such. When I get home I step into the role of a single 36 year old male, a blogger (as this post indicates), a home owner with laundry to do, etc. Later I may become a student and work on my classes, online of course. This weekend when I visit my dad, I will be the son, possibly the brother if I visit with him, and brother-n-law if I see his wife. But really does it answer the question "Who Are You?"

What if I lost my job? I am no longer the manager/director. What if I lost my father, do I stop being the "son"?

It reminds me of the answer God gave Moses in Exodus when he asks what his name was. As it is with God, we are evolving. In one translation (literal) of the original Hebrew text, God's reply was "Ehyeh asher ehyeh" traditionally translated is "I am that I am", however it's most literal translation is "I shall be that I shall be". Ehyeh is in the imperfective aspect, and can be understood as God saying that he is "in the process of being", a reference saying that he exists in all times, constantly, eternally. Some translations interpret it as "I am that I am becoming".

Many people answer the question with "I am a child of God". This implies that the one answering the question knows about and of God, knows God intimately and therefore identifies with God. That leads me to another question - Who is God?

So, isn't is safe to say, we are constantly changing, who we are depends on the company we keep, the positions and titles we may hold, they are many. But for now and I feel certain for always, I will simply "be"... I am - which says I am here, I am present - I was, I am, and I always will "be".

What becomes of us when the things, places, and people we identify with cease to exist? There is a deeper indication that we must acknowledge who we are in order to keep our identity intact.

So ask yourself, or someone you know... "Who are you" if they answer with their name, let them know thats their name, but Who is that? Continue on this path, until you get to the real question - which is and remains... Who are you?

Analyzing Theft

Today while at work a female smashed a rock through someone's side window and proceeded to steal money and a camera from inside. A patient from a dentist's office saw what was taking place and informed the dentist. Long story short a few people saw her break the window and then when she discovered someone saw her as someone was yelling "hey you have to stop!" she got in her car with a mask on her face and drove away. As she speeded off out of a very quiet and crowded parking lot, it was noticed her licenses plates had been covered over. She had it planned. The cops were called, investigation has ensued. So I thought...what was the reason? Perhaps it was for drugs, to steal money to buy drugs, or something she could pawn. At least thats the first thought. Then I analyzed further in my mind and realized if we all just helped one another more, perhaps this could have been prevented. Yes I know, people will continue to steal things that don't belong to them, vandalizing our property in the process... but what if... What if we all knew we could get help for any problem or situation if we needed it without cost? If she was a drug addict, how did she get to that point? Has anyone ever helped with an "intervention"? Maybe she was hired by someone else, because just a little while earlier, another similiar theft took place in another part of town. Was she without a job? Probably not because she drove a nice enough car. Was she hungry? What if whenever life deals us a bad hand, we always knew there was someone that would help, that would listen, that would be patient, and would not ask for anything in return. How much less theft would there be? Was theft a learned behavior, is this what she watched someone else do, to get something else they wanted?

Why does it have to be this way? We have commercialized the act of being kind and helping out, that it seems a commodity we trade for publicity or recognition. Random acts of kindness... hmm, why does it have to be random and an act? Perhaps if they weren't today's events would have never taken place.

May 17, 2007


Everyone has an opinion about this hot topic. First off, let me say I have no ill intentions when I speak about this, and have a great deal of compassion and heartfelt sympathy for all those who have lost a loved one in one of the biggest tragic event of our time. My heart goes out to all the families that have suffered a loss.

Being the truth seeker that I am, I rarely rest at conclusions until I have absorbed a great deal of information be it fact or fiction, "expert" opinion or analysis. But I must say I will go to my grave believing that the events of 9/11 were an inside job. Thats right I agree with Rosie. Interestingly enough, not until a public figure spoke up on a well publicized program, did much controversy begin. Why I ask myself? Because people rely on the evening news to get their "truth" and unfortunately many days its the farthest from the truth as you can get. But for others and there are millions, who turn to other sources and educate themselves, they know of a different story.

Anyone who reads this should take some time to go to Youtube, or and check out the posts and videos regarding 9/11. If nothing more it will make you ask questions and seek more information, if you care. Heck just do a search on the net you will be bombarded with information.

Some facts and yes these are facts and can be validated, just do your homework and stop relying on CNN so much. 1) $15,000,000.00 was invested in a lease of the World Trade Center, $7,000,000,000.00 was cashed in from the insurance payment as a result of the claim filed by the owner, Mr. Silverstein. Not a bad return on investment? 2)The buildings were "brought down", "pulled" or otherwise demolished with explosives...the buildings DID NOT COLLAPSE as a result of burning jet fuel. Just watch the videos and judge for yourself. It was a controlled demolition. 3) Flight 93 NEVER went down where we were told, in fact there was NO plane wreckage to publicize, the plane landed in Ohio and not one person lost their life in Flight 93 as a result of a crash 4) The basements including the 7 story parking garage under the World Trade Center was destroyed BEFORE the buildings were brought down. If the buildings collapsed because of the burning jet fuel, then how or why would the basements collapse first?

Just some information to make you ponder. Of course if you read this and say its rubbish and don't want to hear the truth, or you aren't ready for it then this post isn't for you, move on. For those that have questions, just take the time to educate yourself. You might be suprised by what you find.


Gosh today was frustrating. From the challenges of work and some staff that can't seem to get along or think for themselves and see the bigger picture, to that of the State Employee Credit Union screwing up one of my accounts and finally to my inability to get access to quality healthcare. Now there's a topic.

Put yourself in my shoes. Diagnosed as a diabetic back in September 2006, primary care doc says I need to see an Endocrinologist. I want to go on the insulin pump to better manage my glucose levels. The reason besides the obvious... I am busy and I forget to take the 10 or so different pills that have been prescribed. They range from pills to control blood glucose, to those seeking to lower cholesterol levels, others to keep me from going into atrial fibrulation and one to thin my blood in case I do. Add to that, a evening injection and additional ones during the day as needed. As needed...? Yeah but I only know I need it if I remember to prick my finger and check my blood glucose level then I have to consult a sliding scale to know how much insulin to inject. I have one of those big pill boxes that the older generation carries around, 1 side is for A.M and 1 for P.M. labeled for each day of the week. So on saturdays (if I remember) I reload trying to remember how much is left so I don't forget to reorder a refill. Then I pull out 7 syringes and one by one load them up with insulin to store to use each night, provided I remember. Going on the pump would be less hassle would constantly monitor my glucose levels and would eliminate injections for the most part.

So, the appointment I had with an Endocrinologist was a month away from when it was first made. Yesterday I come home to find a voice mail telling me that my appointment had been rescheduled because the doc was going to be outta town. Ok, so I call and explain I can't go on that day only to be informed it would be another month so I say just cancel and I will go elsewhere. So I make another call and the dumb female who answers the phone cuts me off before I can finish telling her what I need and I get transferred. I am on hold close to 8 minutes and hear the "Please continue to hold message" approximately 6 times. Finally..someone answers, I am allowed to finish stating my needs only to find out I was transferred to Internal Medicine. I explain that the constant transferring and continuous holding along with people not listening to my needs is an indication I don't want to seek services from this organization and hang up. Still feeling pressured to be seen by an Endocrinologist, I call the same organization back but this time I have the direct number to the correct department - but unfortunately again, I was told the next available appointment is not til the end of June. I never schedule.

I have insurance, I am 36 years old and have a full time job. Diabetes is an epidemic in this country - while I am not overweight I am certain that my lifestyle of long work hours, unhealthy food, stress and not enough sleep, along with poor excercise is the root cause. But yet, I can't get an appointment to be seen by a specialist within a reasonable time frame and must work around the physician's schedule.... something is terribly wrong with this picture.

For anyone who reads this and doesn't know... consult the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and look at the mortality rate in this country, then look again at the same rate caused by nosocomial infections. These statistics tell us that we are much better off never entering the healthcare system for any type of care. That our chances of survival are greater if we do nothing. Of course you don't hear that on CNN or NBC. We have the most complex and expensive healthcare system in the world, but we do not have the healthiest, in fact we have the most unhealthy people in the world... what gives? Its a racket and I am hear to tell you if you haven't figured it out already, for the most part, healthcare is like a big science project that pads the pockets of the physicians and pharmaceutical industry in a big way. Do you honestly think if there was a cure for cancer you'd know about it? I mean really?
If you think I am kidding, then you probably also believe the big fat lie you were force fed on September 11th several years ago. Yeah Rosie is right!

So, since I can't get access to an endocrinologist within a reasonable time frame, and because I have control over my body and life, I am prescribing at least 3 days a week of excercise lasting at least 1 hr, I am discontinuing sodas, cigarettes and excessive overtime. I will not frequent McDonalds (who by the way puts more corn products and derivatives in their nuggets than they do chicken and sprays them with toxic chemicals to preserve freshness), nor will I listen to another physician bitch or complain about anything at all without speaking up. Besides me along with millions of others pay your many mortgages, car payments, and feed your kids.

Today, I have been so frustrated I wanted to tell everyone to kiss my ass, I wanted to say to a few people I don't give a shit, and a few others I just wanted to punch in the face for existing. I let it get the best of me.

But the day is done, tomorrow is another day and I am sure I will get frustrated again, but when I put it all in perspective I realize its just temporary, just temporary and again I have a choice to react or not. To forgive and understand that sometimes more often than not, people just aren't going to do, act, or say as I would....and you know what its ok. We're not perfect - but those who realize they are being "perfected" are the ones that make a difference and "know better"... I am glad I am part of that group at least for now.

May 1, 2007

NDE Questions & Answers for Nancy Clark, CT - Author & NDE Researcher

These answers were provided for Nancy Clark, CT - author, near death experiencer and researcher for an upcoming book. This material is copyrighted and should not be reproduced without explicit permission from Nancy Clark. You may reach her via email at

The complete story of Nancy's remarkable near-death and near-death-like experiences can be read in her national award-winning book, Hear His Voice, The True Story of a Modern Day Mystical Encounter With God. To learn more, please see "Hear His Voice", on Nancy's website.

Questions & Answers
1) At the time of your NDLE, Mystical or STE experience, were you close to death, perceive a life-threatening event or experience serious illness or physical trauma? Yes/No NO

2) What was your age at the time of your experience? I am not really sure, I am not good with dates and times, especially after this experience.  Late teens maybe.....

3) Describe what you were doing at the time of your experience. Meditating with prayer in a traditional “Christian” sense and listening to a cassette tape with headphones. The tape was Voice Angeles (Latin I believe, and it was very “angelic” soothing music) I was lying in bed and having “communion” with God.

4) Did you experience a feeling of lifting out of your body or something other? I can’t recall that I felt I was lifted out of my body. I was so “lost” in this meditative state that the experience seemed like a dream initially but I don’t recall a “process” of being somewhere else, it seemed instant. One minute I recall having been in deep prayer, and the next I “woke” up in what I call Heaven.

5) Did you have a sense of traveling through a dark space, void, tunnel or something else? No sense of traveling.

6) Did you hear any sounds during your experience? YES!!!!! Beautiful, beautiful music. The most beautiful music I have or most likely ever will hear. But this music was not from instruments, it was from the voices of millions and millions even billions of “angels” or beings of light. It was not spoken either, it was emanating from their “inner most part”.

7) Did you see a light? If so, did you see the light from a far distance, in front of you, beside you, behind you, or merged into oneness with you?
Yes!!! I saw a very bright, powerful, loving light that seemed to be a million miles away but close at the same time. I knew this light was God. It was powerful, almost overwhelming. It was in front of me, but it also went through me and made me aware of LOVE, that God is Love and it permeated my being. I was instantly aware of every single molecule of my body, but my body was not there.

8) If you saw a light, who or what did you perceive the light to be? GOD, LOVE, ALL THAT IS OR EVER WILL BE.

9) Did this light have any immediate impact upon you? If so, describe. YES as I mentioned before. I knew that I knew that I knew this was GOD. I realized how powerful and pure this LOVE was. I also knew that I could not withstand its power in the “flesh”. I am not sure how to describe this. I get tears welling up even as I recall and type this.

10) Did you see or sense any other beings or entities present during your experience? Explain. YES!! Billions of angels or beings of light. For the most part they had no definite, finite shape, but they were fluid and white, with a tinge or tint of blue or indigo in their center. There were many “tranes” of these beings circling all around the Light/God, they were praising Him and two were holding me up, but I could not see these two, but we communicated with each other. Imagine being in space with no stars, total darkness, with the exception of this enormous bright light radiating out, with billions of angels circling all around. This was what I saw. There were no buildings, trees, etc, just light and space.

11) Did you experience a feeling of love or intensified feelings? Explain. Absolutely, as I mentioned above. This was the most powerful life changing feeling of love I have ever felt. Somehow I was just given knowledge and I realized we are poor vessels of expressing this great love. In this life we do and say things to try and convey this powerful Love, but we are hard pressed to do a good job. This love was so pure and powerful it was as if you could touch it and see it, as if it was tangible.

12) Did you experience any frightening or negative feelings during your experience? Describe. Not really. I do remember “thinking” to myself that I was unworthy and that I couldn’t sing like all the angels I was seeing and that I was ugly in comparison to what I was witnessing, but the two angels that were holding me up assured me that I was there for a reason and that I was worthy and beautiful. We didn’t communicate with spoken words it was like telepathy.
13) Did you observe anything frightening during your experience? No.
14) During your experience did you reflect upon your life or someone else’s or have a life preview? Describe. No, it seems to me this experience was provided to give me deep insight and to “kick start” something within me. There was no life review (past, present or future) of myself or anyone else.
15) Did you observe colors, sounds, landscapes, animals, buildings or anything unusual or unfamiliar to you? Describe. YES - Color, Light and Sound were the only thing I observed/heard. There was nothing manmade or familiar in the modern sense. Color, Light and Sound were the three main subjects of this experience aside from the obvious - God and Love. God gave me an acronym for C-Color, L-Light and S-Sound … CSL= these three things Creat Spirtual Liberation. Again, I felt like I was in space, with no visible stars, sun or planets there was nothing manmade nor were their buildings or any recognizable shapes or forms just the God and billions of angels (One enormous powerful bright pure white light and billions of beings of light).
Update:  02/18/10 - I re-read this post and wanted to elaborate further on the CSL acronym that God gave me. Color Light and Sound have a very powerful effect on our bodies - for years I have studied so many deep subjects about the properties of all three - but just to give someone an idea of what I have learned... think of what was being done when they marched around Jericho.... marching, and singing praising....the wall came crashing down... think of an opera singer's voice and how she or he can shatter glass just with his or her one voice!!!  We were created to Praise God in all things in all ways, this is so powerful... I wish I could describe it with my limited vocabulary.  In the Beginining God literally spoke all of creation into existence.  We really have no idea what power He has given us through our voices, and our words.  Did you know that it is sound waves, in fact the sound wave of the note "C" is used to repair DNA!!!  I am sure there are many many references to this power in scripture...but suffice it to say, I hope these examples give you some insight into what I am trying to convey regarding praise and worship.... because it is through our praise and worship that we are liberated on a very deep and spiritual level!

16) Did time or space seem altered to you in any way? Explain. There was no Time. Space was distorted in that the light and some of the angels seemed a million miles or more away, but at the same time I felt extremely close. I could see equally as well a million miles away as I could very close up. Time and distance didn’t exist.

17) Did this experience seem real or dream-like or a hallucination? Explain. Very real - The only “sense” that was not engaged was that of smell. It was vivid and because I became instantly aware of every single molecule in my body, it made it even more real than “real life” itself - or so it seemed.

18) Did you experience a sense of oneness or unity with everyone and everything? Explain Yes and No. Yes because everything about me was permeated with this Great Light/Love. No because I was somewhat of an observer and less of a participant in what I was witnessing. But I was there. Its very hard to explain.

19) Did you receive information about future events or someone or something that was unknown to you previously? Explain. No. I feel that I was receiving supreme truths about God and Love, that I have incorporated into my daily life and my perceptions about our existence. I have had dreams however since this experience that I believe gives me insightful truth or revelations about the state of the “Church”. I also can be watching a movie, or hear something on the radio and a certain word or phrase will seem to light up or be made prominent in some way, to reveal something to me, another greater truth or insight. For example, I feel certain that when God wants me to research or learn about a new topic, this will happen. On one particular night I had a dream and during one part of the dream the word Quigong showed up. I knew that this was a key part of the dream I should recall. The very next day a video I had ordered arrived. The video was not about Quigong (spelled differently sometimes) but there was one part of the video where the person speaking, spoke about this subject. It was a confirmation to me that I needed to read and study this more in depth. I have yet to do that. God has given me many, many topics to study and read about. Another time I was watching the movie “The Mothman Prophecies” and there is one scene where someone is telling the main character a story about perception. I think he used the scenario of a man in a high rise looking down on the city and how his perception allowed him to see something that was happening, while the two guys would have no knowledge of it because it was several blocks away, out of their line of sight. To me, this “revelation” was not only a truth, but a lesson and realized it was the entire reason I ended up renting the movie. Another was during the movie of K-Pax with Kevin Spacey. Kevin (as the main character Prot) spoke about the speed of light being equivalent to the note of “C”. This resonated with the connection I had with color, sound and light as a result of the NDLE, it fueled my desire to learn about the properties of these three things. I live to dream as well. This is when I learn the most and more truth is revealed. God and I take journeys during “dream time”. We often go to places or bodies of water, or often times I am flying or perhaps “out of my body”. For example one very vivid dream took me down to the banks of a river, where he “communicated” to me that he wanted me to observe the flow of water. As I went down the bank I noticed it had recently flooded and there was debris all along the sides, and there was a beautiful black and white scaled fish caught in a bush. This represented the message in Revelations, where he speaks about being neither hot nor cold, but because you are neither and lukewarm he is about to spit you out of his mouth. This was the letter written to the church of Laodicean I believe. As I noticed the water, he also told me to observe the rocks and how they were smooth, and how the current was the fastest and strongest in the middle. I also noticed how the water swirled along the edges and debris was caught up there and how it became stagnant. The truth revealed here, was that many churches and so called “moves of God” were not true. God is constantly moving and sometimes we get caught up in something not realizing that God has continued to move on “the middle current” and we become stagnant because we get focused on an aspect or even a miracle which distracts us from the source. There are so many more, but these are just examples.

20) Did you receive knowledge about someone or something that was known to you previously but now this information became more important to your understanding? Explain. Yes, about God, about love, about color, light, sound. There were no differences in Heaven, no male nor female, no black nor white, no english or chinese. We are all the same inside. The experience has caused me to perceive God as something or someone radically different than the traditional teachings I have been exposed to. Not so much in contradiction to but a deeper, richer, perception of what I have been taught. God became more real to me than any human being that I knew or will know. God taught me much about life and living through this experience. He also taught me much about the light spectrum the properties of light, of sound and color. He caused me to feverishly search and read about many topics that all relate back to this experience. I am forever seeking the truth and am keenly interested in mystical things, science, mathematics, ancient history and cultures, etc.

21) During your experience were you given an understanding of the meaning and purpose of life? Explain. Purpose - I am still figuring that out. But this experience has given me the tools and desire to search many things out and continue to seek God in all things. Honestly I don’t know that Purpose is a good word - purpose seems to convey finality, or an ending event. As it is with God, we are evolving (I am not sure how to explain this) except that in one translation (literal) of the original Hebrew text, in Exodus Moses asks God for his name and God’s reply was “Ehyeh asher ehyeh” traditionally translated is “I am that I am”, however it’s most literal translation is “I shall be that I shall be”. Ehyeh is in the imperfective aspect, and can be understood as God saying that he is “in the process of being”, a reference saying that he exists in all times, constantly, eternally. I think if there is a “purpose” to this experience it would be to grasp that we are NOT apart from God, in fact that we are “in the process of being”, eternally with God. In a traditional Christian sense, it is understanding the difference of “going to Calvary and the Cross” and ” becoming One with Christ, and dieing with Him to emerge on the other side of the cross/death”. We are taught so often to lay our burdens down at the Cross, but rarely do we “lay ourselves” down with Him and begin to truly merge with the mind of Christ and become One with Him in all that we do, think, see, hear, and identify with. It is the key difference between having life and having it more abundantly.

1) What was the most relevant and meaningful part of your experience? Why?This is a very hard question. It was all relevant and the “experience” seems to continue. There were what I feel Supreme Truths revealed to me. 1) A true revelation of God. One that forever has changed my view of traditional religious systems and cultures. A supreme truth of who and what God is… God IS Love. 2) that we are NOT apart from God, God is not someone or something up or out there. Now one of my favorite passages in scripture is in Luke 17:20-21 when the Pharisees ask Jesus when the Kingdom of God would come and Jesus replied “The Kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say “Here it is” or “There it is”, because the Kingdom of God is within you”. We are not and have not been separated from God. Rumi wrote a poem that summarizes this truth beautifully:

“Where is God?”
I tried to find Him on the Christian cross, but He was not there; I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to the old pagoda, but I could not find a trace of Him anywhere.I searched the mountains and the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him. I went to the Kaaba in Mecca, but He was not there either.
I questioned the scholars and philosophers, but He was beyond their understanding.
I then looked into my heart and it was there where He dwelled that I saw him; He was nowhere else to be found.

3) That from God’s perception there is no true differences among us. He doesn’t look upon flesh, He doesn’t see male and female as we do. In fact God encompasses both male and female, He is both.
4) Just as he taught me about how a prism will split pure white light so that we see most of the colors of the spectrum, it should be our goal to know and understand who and what He is, so that we line ourselves up with Him, to reflect as many colors/characteristics of Himself as we can. We cannot each individually do this, we must act as one. Just as one is given the gift of teaching, another has been given the gift of exhortation. The Whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts.

22) Did this experience increase or decrease your spiritual or religious beliefs or practices in any way? If so, in what way? Yes increased exponentially my spiritual beliefs so much so that everything I do and say is in some way connected with God and my search to know more to experience more. I do not believe in “religion”… I now see “religion” as a business of sorts. I am disgusted by organized religion and see it as being so far removed from God’s purpose and plan, that I no longer attend traditional church services and haven’t for several years. The experience has also caused me to question everything that I have ever been taught about “religion” and the Bible. I do not believe today that the Bible as we know it and have, is the intended version or interpretation. I also do not believe that the Bible alone is or should be our sole source of information about God and his character or ways. I believe that the Bible still contains many fundamental truths, but it has been tampered with so much that a great deal of insight and deep Supreme Truth is difficult to find. A great example would be me telling you about a car. If I gave you no further details you would conjure up an image in your mind that suits you or that you are familiar with. However if I clarified for you the model and make of the car, all its amenities, horsepower, color, etc… you have a much more rich and robust understanding of what I am speaking about, rather than just a car. I recently realized this could have significant consequences. The example I use is that of nuts versus peanuts, if you didn’t know the difference but were deathly allergic to peanuts, as many are - you see my point here.

23) Following your experience, do you consider yourself to be more spiritual than religious? If so, how would you explain this to others? Yes, as noted in the previous answer, I am very spiritual but not at all religious. Traditional Sunday morning services offer me little. In fact I perceive these services as fund raisers and in some cases fun theatrics to entertain us. I am disgusted by the amount of money spent on Church related functions, buildings, etc. I lived in Nashville TN for a short time, and there are mega churches there. I can’t imagine what one month’s electric bill could do, if it was spent feeding the poor or providing shelter for the homeless. Often times the pastors of these churches speak about the principles of living, of being successful and while they incorporate many of the “spiritual laws”, they rarely talk directly about God, the character of God, of His great love, because they don’t know Him. Just as these supreme truths I have spoken of apply to us all, so do spiritual laws and we can use them to our advantage - we use the “system” of God, but rarely acknowledge Him, or seek to Know Him - the Source of this system/law.
24) Do you feel more, less, or still the same in areas of compassion, love and acceptance of others? Explain. A million times more compassionate, forgiving, and accepting of others. I now know how God sees us (no differences) and therefore it is hard for me to create separation among myself and others. I am compelled to see others from this perspective and I am compelled to forgive and accept others, just as I am compelled to do the same with myself.

25) Do you feel more, less, or still the same in your desire to help others? Explain. More, but at the same time, the motivation is to “enlarge His Kingdom” in adoration for God. I want to “bless God” and I can do this by speaking about this experience and truth and cause people to seek Him, at least that is my hope. To help others understand that all that we need we already have, besides it was Jesus Himself that said “the Kingdom of God is within us” and if the Kingdom of God is WITHIN US, then where does He dwell…. WITHIN US!!!!!! I want people to know the TRUTH. I cannot show them God, I cannot tell them where He is located….per se, but I can’t stir their minds and hearts to ask questions and seek Him, to seek Truth and if they should come into a greater revelation of God, then He is Known that much more, He becomes that much more alive in the hearts and minds of others. To Know Him is, I mean IS, to Love Him.

26) Did you talk about this experience with anyone? How did people respond? Yes, not all the time. In fact, less than I thought I would. People have to be ready to hear something like this. There is some slight hesitation on my part, because sometimes people become envious and they want a similiar experience. So often times I will share the knowledge I have received as a result, rather than the experience itself. However, when I have shared the experience most have been extremely inspired, its as if something has touched their souls and they ask questions and are amazed at the Truth that resonates within them. Many are “moved” to tears.

27) Have you lost interest in materialism and competition to achieve a higher standard of living? Explain. Yes, I battle with this almost daily now. I get very frustrated at being caught up in the “american dream” and I feel tremendous guilt at times for having “things” and more than others. I call it the conveyor belt of life, that I must step off from time to time to “LIVE”. Material things mean nothing to me, while I have them, such as a home, a car, a good job, in the big picture I know they are nothing. My greatest posession or should I say gift, is peace. People will often times hear me say that I look forward to the day when I can retire, move to the mountains, live in an old cabin and just LIVE!!!! To experience God more, to absorb all that surrounds me and to listen. I write many things about this ever increasing dream/desire.

28) Did this experience lessen your fear of death? Explain. I have absolutely no fear of death. I do have some “feelings” about the process of dieing, such as associated pain, or discomfort, but it really doesn’t have much value. My biggest fear, is that I haven’t done enough, or didn’t do it right, or passed up an opportunity because I have been distracted by that “conveyer belt of life” I just spoke about earlier.

29) Do you have a better sense of self-acceptance? Explain. Yes, most definitely. I am absolutely content and happy with who I am, even as I continue to learn the answer to that question. As I said before I realize I am in the process of being… and in the meantime, I am Tim, however you and the world around me chooses to perceive me, right, wrong or indifferent I am ok with it. I play many parts, but the essence of who I am, is clear to me… and that is that I am part of God. I am His creation and because of that I am in some way an expression of God himself, just as we all are. Just as you may express yourself through a poem or song, or maybe you create a masterpiece painting… God chose to express Himself through each of us. We ourselves are evidence of something greater.

30) Have you developed a deeper appreciation or feel a bond with nature following your experience. Explain. Yes, I see all things as God’s creation and therefore I see God in all things/people.

31) Is solitude more important to you following your experience? Explain. Yes - that is one reason I look forward to retiring and living in the mountains, somewhat secluded. It comes from the desire to rid my life of distractions so that I can spend time alone with God, meditating, enjoying and learning from Him and His creation. My greatest desire is when the day comes that I leave this world to move into the next. It sounds morbid to those who don’t understand, but I truely am living to die, and I am working on dieing to self daily. I am more alone when I am not with God, in communion with Him. I often tell people that I “play the part” of this life, I am keenly aware that this world is NOT my home. It doesn’t come without great frustration, to know of a place an existence such as the one I experienced in the NDLE and not having a way to return, or thinking that the only way to return is through the death of this body. It fuels my interest in out of body experiences, out of body travel, and lucid dreaming.

32) Do you feel this experience is sacred or holy in some way? Explain. Not sacred and holy in the traditional sense as I understand it. But sacred in the sense that it changed my life, I cannot escape it nor do I desire an escape from all that the experience has caused. It is my connection to God, it is my reference point for living, for life - a reference point in understanding my past, finding joy in the present and a thrilling and overwhelming hope for the future.

33) Following your experience, do you have more, less or still the same feelings of an inner sense of Spirit or of the God of your understanding? Explain. I feel I have a much greater sense of God and therefore a much greater understanding. At any given time or moment I feel I am capable of “tuning” into God and hearing His voice. And when I do, great but simple truths/revelations emerge that continue to change my life and positively influence the lives of others.

34) Do you have a greater desire to read, study, share, or discuss matters of a spiritual nature following your experience? Explain. More than I can contain. Since the experience I almost have an obsessive desire to learn and learn and learn. I have approximately 7 to 8 books going at one time and can read a 500 page book at one sitting. I get frustrated at the limitations that time places on us along with our obligations or self imposed obligations. Literally, everything I read and study is in some way connected to this one experience and has been for many years.

35) Following your experience, are you more accepting of all people’s different religious beliefs or less tolerant? Why? More accepting. I have come to the conclusion that we all are on different paths, that lead to the same place.

36) Are you more sensitive to sounds, light, allergies, electric or electronic malfunctions, etc. following your experience? Explain Yes, more so to color, sound and light. Music is divine to me. It doesn’t take much for me to get teary eyed listening to music. It permeates me, it touches something deep within my soul that I can’t explain. Specifically music without words. More specifically certain instruments, like the cello, violin and piano. Some of my favorites are Celtic, Opera, pure instrumental pieces like with Bach, Vangelis, Mozart, etc. I do enjoy certain artists, like Enya and Loreena McKennit who I was fortunate to see/hear recently in Asheville, NC.

37) Did you notice an increase in intuitive, psychic or healing abilities after your experience? Explain. I am not sure about this, I am very discerning and am able to discern the motivation behind actions or speech. Its a “knowing” I am not sure how to describe it. I have many many vivid dreams now, most often I consider them journeys and many times they reveal “truth” or I dream about healing often. I get very tender hearted especially with kids. I work in healthcare management and have the opportunity to see and know about many cases. In the back of my mind, I am saying to myself and to the kids I see, such as ones with MS or other debilitating conditions, “It won’t always be this way”, or I feel something like guilt or inadequacy for not being able or knowing how to heal them.

38) Did you become more creative (art, music, writing, etc.) or more intellectual following your experience? Explain. I have a compelling desire to be creative, and more so to learn to play a musical instrument. I have this overwhelming sense that a “door” will open if I pursue learning to play the piano or violin. Even thinking about doing it causes me to have “goose pimples” and my eyes get teary. I can’t explain it, but I know it is something I must do before I die. I have always been a “writer” of sorts and have written many things that I feel are divinely inspired. Time and life distractions have kept me from it, but I feel perhaps that God has made it easy for me. A neighbor two doors down from me obviously teaches piano lessons, and I have yet to do so, but compelled to ask her to teach me. We shall see!

39) Do you personally have a sense of mission or purpose to fulfill upon your return to physical consciousness? Explain. I think I am still trying to figure this out. It is my hope that while I may never be fully “aware” of my purpose, that I am in fact fulfilling that purpose. I believe that as human beings, it is easy for us to become power hungry or to become prideful, and therefore I am happy to not fully understand my “purpose” but to enjoy this compelling desire to grow and learn more and to share with others who are seeking the same.

40) Do you view life and humanity’s purpose on earth any differently now? Explain. This would be difficult for me to convey with the language I am limited with - We are all part of something much greater than ourselves. If there is any purpose, it would have to be to come into the knowledge and revelation of this truth and ultimately God.

41) In retrospect, do you think this experience happened for a reason or to help you in some way? Explain. Yes, the reasons are many but fundamentally speaking, it must have happened to give me foundation, to fuel a desire, to compell me to seek out answers and not to settle for what I have been taught and what I see and hear around me. From a universal perspective it would have to be to share with others that they might also begin to seek and to not settle for something be it a doctrine, a school of thought, whatever the case may be. We must seek to know the Truth and God for ourselves. We cannot rely on others to forge a relationship with something or someone else for us. Just as we do not have relationships with our mothers or fathers through our brothers and sisters, we also cannot have a relationship with God through our pastors and congregations. What we can do is share what we learn through our own relationship with God, with each other.

32) What is the single most important bit of wisdom you wish to tell others who have not had a transcendent type of experience? Seek Him in all things, great and small, acknowledge Him in all things. Searh for the God of your understanding and being, however you perceive him or her or it to be. Take time out to listen to that inner voice, the one that you think is yourself, the internal dialogue that takes place in your head… When I was a child I asked my Mother who God was, and her honest yet simple reply was “That voice in your head that tells you when you are about to do something wrong, and the same voice that assures you that everything is going to be ok”… We MUST seek Him for ourselves. Whoever, or whatever you call God, the Supreme Force, the Great I am, whoever or whatever you perceive as God, you must seek Him for yourself. That voice has never left me, I just stopped listening for a while. This experience made that voice real, and just because someone else hasn’t had the same experience, doesn’t mean they can’t experience God in a very real and life changing way right this very minute. An example of this was recently I was on my way home from work and I had stopped at an intersection and while waiting for the light to change, I noticed along the curb some trash and debris but in the middle was a bright yellow flower growing through the cracks of the asphalt. I suppose I was beating myself up over something that day or week, and God spoke very clearly to me that “even among the trash there is beauty, even among the most dire situations, I am there”. So when I am feeling regret over past mistakes and choices, or perhaps when I step into a place of judgement toward another, I am reminded of this truth - He is there, He has always been there and always will be. We simply have to listen, observe. He shows up everywhere, but only if we are looking for Him.

The Near Death Experience

I will share this for as long as I live and as long as someone will listen. It changed my life, and continues to this day.

Many years ago, maybe 10 or more, I was accustomed to meditation and prayer every night, I was not religious by any means and I did not attend every church service. Much of my relationship with God developed outside of the traditional church service. There are many more things I could share with you that would help bring you to the point of this experience, but to save time, I will just start here.

Every evening and for many years now, I look forward more than anything, to that time of prayer. To a time when I felt I was connecting and communicating directly with God. Many of my prayers were much like any one else, asking for the things I felt I needed in my life, and that of family and friends, coworkers, the world. But I began to realize a deeper need that wasn’t so evident. For years, as many do, I spent my time asking for things or situations from someone I didn’t even know. He was my security blanket, or band-aid. I imagined if this God loved me as much as I have been taught to believe He did, then didn’t he also long and even ache for me to know Him and not just what He could do for me? I experienced this later in life with my biological father, always there to provide money, and buy me things, but I never knew him. So….I made an effort to listen…to become attuned to that “voice” within. My mom explained it to me when I was kid….and I will never forget it. “Mom, how do you know when you hear God’s voice?” Her honest reply was “its that little voice in your head that tells you not to do something that you shouldn’t”. Simple answer and sufficient for probably a 7 year old at the time. I later realized she was really speaking about consciousness. And that was the God conscious I would hear when I was about to do something wrong, or some would call the “mind of Christ”…..unlike my own.

So on this particular evening I laid in bed praying, listening and trying to shut off my own brain with all it’s thoughts and ramblings, until it was still, so that I might hear that voice. I remember so many nights feeling what I call the presence of God….that tingly, electrical feeling you get is all I can use to describe it. Many many mornings that is the same feeling that would wake me up, and not the alarm clock. Even now as I type, I am aware of His presence….but not always. I am laughing remembering, that I would often say “God, I have everything I need, I want to hear from you, I want to know what you’re thinking, whats on your mind, if I never was given any other blessing, even if you took away the breath in my body, I still have everything, YOU…and because YOU created all things, and all things exist in YOU, if I have YOU, what else is there?”
I don’t remember falling asleep, I don’t remember a specific moment when things changed, but at some point just being caught in this feeling of His presence, I found myself in another world, another place. A place where time didn’t exist, where there was nothing physical to be seen or experienced. The only way I can describe it visually, was space without stars, dark, but full of light. Because before me and all around me were beings of light. I suppose you can call them angels, but that is a very elementary description of what I was seeing. Some people would say I had an out of body experience, more progressive Christians would say I was having an open vision. All I know is that it was the most real experience I have ever had to this day. I didn’t have a body and couldn’t see myself. It was as if my mind or my conscious was existing somewhere else. I remember feeling like I was being held up or supported by two of these angels, but I couldn’t see them.

There was a tremendous beautiful white light in the center of my view. It was pure, I don’t know how I knew this but I just knew it. And I realized that this was God. I didn’t see a man in a long flowing robe, or with long hair or a beard, just pure white glorious light. All around Him were billions even trillions of angels that extended for what seemed like millions and millions of miles. I felt so far away but I felt so close at the same time. It was as if time and distance didn’t exist. Hard to explain or convey with the words I have in my vocabulary.

I could write a book on this one experience and all the things I have learned since because of it.
The angels all were light, there were no features that were recognizable, or distinguishable, I could not see a difference between male and female, black or white, American or European…..there were no differences. They all had somewhat of a bluish indigo color in the center and other colors, smoky even…but brilliant. I was absolutely fascinated and overwhelmed….by what I was seeing. Then I became aware of what I was feeling.
I can’t even begin to describe what I was feeling, but only what I know because of it. I was completely and totally saturated with love. Every molecule of my being or body or whatever you want to call it there, was permeated. His love is so powerful it literally touches every single molecule, atom, electron……I realized in that moment, here on earth in this life, we are poorly equipped for the expression of this great love. Here, we get glimpses of love, through the nice things we do, the things we say, the tears we shed….we can only attempt to express this through our acts and words. But in Heaven (if this is where I was)…..Love is not expressed it simply JUST IS!!!! I remembered scriptures that describe God as being Love, God IS love. His love is so pure its as if it’s tangible, like you touch and really truly see it. This feeling that everything about me was permeated, is the same feeling I get now when I say I feel His presence. Its like every molecule just lights up, and you have this electrical feeling radiating over your body. Its like everything inside you starts to vibrate. I would imagine its like the behavior of two tuning forks. If you strike one and another is within “range” the other one starts to vibrate and resonate with the other on its own. I felt totally connected with Him, like being submerged in warm water, but not only do you feel its effects on the outside on your skin, but also within. I guess you could say I felt like what a sponge would feel like if submerged and completely saturated.
Here in this life, love is so often mistaken for many other things and many other things are mistaken for love. We do things in an attempt to express it, but fail many times. There is no greater love than that of God, even a mother’s love for her child pales in comparison…and the reason this is so, is because we are limited in our ability to express it, to show others what it is. I think of a person born with no sight or hearing. I would imagine the only expression of love he or she could comprehend would be through touch…and one day if he/she was able to hear and see, and someone said “I love you” even with tears running down their face, he/she would still not be able to comprehend what was being communicated. Often times our frames of reference of what we perceive is love, is distorted and corrupt and therefore so is our expression of it.
Another remarkable thing is that I was communicating with these angels, but not with words, spoken, we didn’t even have vocal cords, that’s flesh, and nothing of flesh could withstand His glory. I understood it, remembering again, that if you saw the face of God you’d die, not being able to withstand it. There was so much warmth there.

In Heaven everything is visible. Here we communicate with body language, with the spoken language, with writing, with music. But in Heaven everything is before you, there is no need to question, no need to discern or figure out something. No language barriers. You get tremendous amounts of revelation knowledge by seeing. Imagine if you were blind and someone was describing a bird to you…. Having never seen one, you’d probably have some crazy image in your mind about what a bird looked like…. But if you could actually see it, immediately you’d know, no description needed. I now understand the importance and advice of the scriptures to “not look upon sin” because you literally take it into your being. Our eyes are truly the windows to our souls. Likewise with our ears. What we choose to listen to, ends up residing in our spirits. Like computer programming, what goes in comes out, even if it’s a defect J and sometimes it shows up in the most unusual or unexpected places and may not show up for months or even years.

In Heaven you truly are transparent, because you are a reflection of Him. I remember formulating the question in my mind why all the angels were the color they were. I received my immediate answer then and continue to receive it to this day. The angels were literally a reflection of the pure white light. This is how God taught me about the light spectrum and how you could split pure white light up with a prism to see all the colors of the rainbow. Days later I asked for more information more answers to what I experienced and God caused me to think about a prism, and taught me a simple principle. God has many many characteristics, and it is our purpose and should be our goal to line up just so with him, to reflect all the many colors/characteristics of Himself. Because when you line up a prism just right with a ray of white light, all the colors become visible(well most, indigo isn’t visible to the naked eye) The true nature of the light is revealed and expressed. It’s the same with God. When we become attuned to Him, lining up with His ways, His true nature is revealed through us.
I am saving the best for last.

One other aspect of this experience, was much more powerful than what I was seeing or feeling….it was what I was hearing. There was such beautiful music. The most beautiful music I have or most likely ever will hear. All these millions of angels were praising Him, in complete adoration and worship, but what was even more amazing was that again this music was not being sung with their mouths…it was simply emanating from their inner most part. In this life, on earth, you would say it was coming from their hearts. I was so humbled so moved, by this. The only way I could describe it so that you might comprehend it, is to ask you to imagine the whole world, all of creation, every living thing, from the biggest mammal to a one cell organism, even the ocean and winds, singing in perfect, absolute perfect harmony. To this day, I wonder what would happen if everyone on earth decided to at the very same moment, sing the same song, or even hum. I can’t imagine what that would do. There are even theories on how the Egyptians moved the tons of stone to build the pyramids…some think it was through the use of their voice. It reminds me of the story ofJericho and how the people marched around the wall….(causing vibration) and how they praised with song and music, and the wall came tumbling down.

I realized so much and had so much revelation that I can’t even begin to touch on here, but one thing was that I knew without any doubt that the music is what kept the angels lifted up. The vibration of this sound was what kept them suspended and circling around Him. They were compelled to worship and praise and it was as if they had no control of this music that emanated from their inner most part. I remember the story of the woman that had an issue of blood in the bible and how she struggled to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment. He spoke about how “virtue” went out of Him. Being in God’s presence like that, you lose control, and this music/praise just comes out of you. I wish I could explain it better. This part of the experience led to me to the study of Cymatics, which proves that vibration does in fact have the ability to cause physical matter to transcend gravity. Although there was nothing physical in this place. What I was hearing I have learned since is what some have called “the music of heaven”. There is a man I haven’t met personally but who is a minister that speaks of this very same thing in a way that confirmed to me so beautifully that he also has experienced this “music of heaven”. Cymatics describes the principle of “order out of chaos” ..when physical matter such as sand is exposed to vibration, the grains of sand seem to jump around in a mad disarray, but as the vibration continues the sand takes on an intricate geometric pattern, (many of which are found throughout nature in the design of our bodies, the veins of a leaf and so on) and may change according to the frequency and amplitude. Order is established. It makes perfect sense. It makes me think of how trial and tribulation can bring repentance, realigning us with our Creator, God.

Although I knew it was next to impossible, if the angels were to ever stop praising and just one, even one, had the beginnings of a thought to praise Him and sing, all the other millions and millions would instantly join in. Even thoughts are visible in Heaven. I think about all the evenings I have sat on our back porch growing up and listening to the crickets and frogs, sometimes even the whippoorwills…. if one started to sing, they all did… a mighty chorus instantly turned on by the voice of just one. I am amazed even to this day, at the evidence that surrounds us that speak of God, and Heaven. As above so below, on earth as it is in Heaven.
I could say so much more. But I think this gives you an idea of why I have such compassion and interest in studying and reading so many things. Like I said, to me everything in some way for me, is an effort to understand and know who God is and who I am in Him, and what better way to do that than through His creation, from the simplest things to the most complex. Through His Word.  There is TRUTH everywhere. if you seek it, you shall find. Knock and it shall be opened.  (Since documenting this experience, I have grown a great deal spiritually and understand the importance and great reward of studying His Word and being in His presence, but I also still see and experience Him through His creation)

I think our experiences are shaped by the limitations that traditional teachings, put on us. I realized after this how extremely important it was for each person to have their own personal relationship with God. We don’t have relationships with our parents through our brothers and sisters, neither should we attempt to have a relationship with God through our pastors, our Christian friends, etc. God teaches us in the way we individually can understand. Certainly we can glean wisdom and understanding through others, but He is the source of truth.

At the same time I learned that even though I have been taught indirectly and directly to shun other religious systems of belief, or practices, that there is still truth to be discovered and embraced. The basic fundamental truth I have discovered for my own life, is that no matter where you go, or what you do, when you search for God you will find Him. He exists in the person you work with, the flowers that spring up along the roadside, in the wind that brings the rain and the same wind that destroys. He is revealed in the complex research that is being conducted about DNA, to the vastness of the galaxy we look upon at night. I hear Him in the voices of others, and the sound of a violin as the bow moves across it’s strings. 

So I am compelled, driven even to discover, to search to continue on this journey that has been and continues to be one of magnificent and awe inspiring adventure.

Perhaps this sheds some light on what fuels my fascination and my intrigue. Why maybe I am so passionate about all the things I read and study.

He provided a scripture that comes close to what I witnessed, wanting some confirmation shortly there after. I asked for it…He said “open your bible”….this is what I found:

Revelations 5:11-13“Then I looked and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne, the living creatures, and the elders; and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice: Worthy is the Lamb who was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom, and strength and honor and glory and blessing!And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying:Blessing and honor and glory and power, be to Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb forever and ever!” (New King James Version)

There have been many more confirmations of this for me, outside of the scriptures such as the things I have discovered by studying cymatics, the properties of sound, properties of color, physics, etc…
I know its been a lot to read, but I hope you were blessed in some way by it.