May 17, 2007


Everyone has an opinion about this hot topic. First off, let me say I have no ill intentions when I speak about this, and have a great deal of compassion and heartfelt sympathy for all those who have lost a loved one in one of the biggest tragic event of our time. My heart goes out to all the families that have suffered a loss.

Being the truth seeker that I am, I rarely rest at conclusions until I have absorbed a great deal of information be it fact or fiction, "expert" opinion or analysis. But I must say I will go to my grave believing that the events of 9/11 were an inside job. Thats right I agree with Rosie. Interestingly enough, not until a public figure spoke up on a well publicized program, did much controversy begin. Why I ask myself? Because people rely on the evening news to get their "truth" and unfortunately many days its the farthest from the truth as you can get. But for others and there are millions, who turn to other sources and educate themselves, they know of a different story.

Anyone who reads this should take some time to go to Youtube, or and check out the posts and videos regarding 9/11. If nothing more it will make you ask questions and seek more information, if you care. Heck just do a search on the net you will be bombarded with information.

Some facts and yes these are facts and can be validated, just do your homework and stop relying on CNN so much. 1) $15,000,000.00 was invested in a lease of the World Trade Center, $7,000,000,000.00 was cashed in from the insurance payment as a result of the claim filed by the owner, Mr. Silverstein. Not a bad return on investment? 2)The buildings were "brought down", "pulled" or otherwise demolished with explosives...the buildings DID NOT COLLAPSE as a result of burning jet fuel. Just watch the videos and judge for yourself. It was a controlled demolition. 3) Flight 93 NEVER went down where we were told, in fact there was NO plane wreckage to publicize, the plane landed in Ohio and not one person lost their life in Flight 93 as a result of a crash 4) The basements including the 7 story parking garage under the World Trade Center was destroyed BEFORE the buildings were brought down. If the buildings collapsed because of the burning jet fuel, then how or why would the basements collapse first?

Just some information to make you ponder. Of course if you read this and say its rubbish and don't want to hear the truth, or you aren't ready for it then this post isn't for you, move on. For those that have questions, just take the time to educate yourself. You might be suprised by what you find.


Gosh today was frustrating. From the challenges of work and some staff that can't seem to get along or think for themselves and see the bigger picture, to that of the State Employee Credit Union screwing up one of my accounts and finally to my inability to get access to quality healthcare. Now there's a topic.

Put yourself in my shoes. Diagnosed as a diabetic back in September 2006, primary care doc says I need to see an Endocrinologist. I want to go on the insulin pump to better manage my glucose levels. The reason besides the obvious... I am busy and I forget to take the 10 or so different pills that have been prescribed. They range from pills to control blood glucose, to those seeking to lower cholesterol levels, others to keep me from going into atrial fibrulation and one to thin my blood in case I do. Add to that, a evening injection and additional ones during the day as needed. As needed...? Yeah but I only know I need it if I remember to prick my finger and check my blood glucose level then I have to consult a sliding scale to know how much insulin to inject. I have one of those big pill boxes that the older generation carries around, 1 side is for A.M and 1 for P.M. labeled for each day of the week. So on saturdays (if I remember) I reload trying to remember how much is left so I don't forget to reorder a refill. Then I pull out 7 syringes and one by one load them up with insulin to store to use each night, provided I remember. Going on the pump would be less hassle would constantly monitor my glucose levels and would eliminate injections for the most part.

So, the appointment I had with an Endocrinologist was a month away from when it was first made. Yesterday I come home to find a voice mail telling me that my appointment had been rescheduled because the doc was going to be outta town. Ok, so I call and explain I can't go on that day only to be informed it would be another month so I say just cancel and I will go elsewhere. So I make another call and the dumb female who answers the phone cuts me off before I can finish telling her what I need and I get transferred. I am on hold close to 8 minutes and hear the "Please continue to hold message" approximately 6 times. Finally..someone answers, I am allowed to finish stating my needs only to find out I was transferred to Internal Medicine. I explain that the constant transferring and continuous holding along with people not listening to my needs is an indication I don't want to seek services from this organization and hang up. Still feeling pressured to be seen by an Endocrinologist, I call the same organization back but this time I have the direct number to the correct department - but unfortunately again, I was told the next available appointment is not til the end of June. I never schedule.

I have insurance, I am 36 years old and have a full time job. Diabetes is an epidemic in this country - while I am not overweight I am certain that my lifestyle of long work hours, unhealthy food, stress and not enough sleep, along with poor excercise is the root cause. But yet, I can't get an appointment to be seen by a specialist within a reasonable time frame and must work around the physician's schedule.... something is terribly wrong with this picture.

For anyone who reads this and doesn't know... consult the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and look at the mortality rate in this country, then look again at the same rate caused by nosocomial infections. These statistics tell us that we are much better off never entering the healthcare system for any type of care. That our chances of survival are greater if we do nothing. Of course you don't hear that on CNN or NBC. We have the most complex and expensive healthcare system in the world, but we do not have the healthiest, in fact we have the most unhealthy people in the world... what gives? Its a racket and I am hear to tell you if you haven't figured it out already, for the most part, healthcare is like a big science project that pads the pockets of the physicians and pharmaceutical industry in a big way. Do you honestly think if there was a cure for cancer you'd know about it? I mean really?
If you think I am kidding, then you probably also believe the big fat lie you were force fed on September 11th several years ago. Yeah Rosie is right!

So, since I can't get access to an endocrinologist within a reasonable time frame, and because I have control over my body and life, I am prescribing at least 3 days a week of excercise lasting at least 1 hr, I am discontinuing sodas, cigarettes and excessive overtime. I will not frequent McDonalds (who by the way puts more corn products and derivatives in their nuggets than they do chicken and sprays them with toxic chemicals to preserve freshness), nor will I listen to another physician bitch or complain about anything at all without speaking up. Besides me along with millions of others pay your many mortgages, car payments, and feed your kids.

Today, I have been so frustrated I wanted to tell everyone to kiss my ass, I wanted to say to a few people I don't give a shit, and a few others I just wanted to punch in the face for existing. I let it get the best of me.

But the day is done, tomorrow is another day and I am sure I will get frustrated again, but when I put it all in perspective I realize its just temporary, just temporary and again I have a choice to react or not. To forgive and understand that sometimes more often than not, people just aren't going to do, act, or say as I would....and you know what its ok. We're not perfect - but those who realize they are being "perfected" are the ones that make a difference and "know better"... I am glad I am part of that group at least for now.

May 1, 2007

NDE Questions & Answers for Nancy Clark, CT - Author & NDE Researcher

These answers were provided for Nancy Clark, CT - author, near death experiencer and researcher for an upcoming book. This material is copyrighted and should not be reproduced without explicit permission from Nancy Clark. You may reach her via email at

The complete story of Nancy's remarkable near-death and near-death-like experiences can be read in her national award-winning book, Hear His Voice, The True Story of a Modern Day Mystical Encounter With God. To learn more, please see "Hear His Voice", on Nancy's website.

Questions & Answers
1) At the time of your NDLE, Mystical or STE experience, were you close to death, perceive a life-threatening event or experience serious illness or physical trauma? Yes/No NO

2) What was your age at the time of your experience? I am not really sure, I am not good with dates and times, especially after this experience.  Late teens maybe.....

3) Describe what you were doing at the time of your experience. Meditating with prayer in a traditional “Christian” sense and listening to a cassette tape with headphones. The tape was Voice Angeles (Latin I believe, and it was very “angelic” soothing music) I was lying in bed and having “communion” with God.

4) Did you experience a feeling of lifting out of your body or something other? I can’t recall that I felt I was lifted out of my body. I was so “lost” in this meditative state that the experience seemed like a dream initially but I don’t recall a “process” of being somewhere else, it seemed instant. One minute I recall having been in deep prayer, and the next I “woke” up in what I call Heaven.

5) Did you have a sense of traveling through a dark space, void, tunnel or something else? No sense of traveling.

6) Did you hear any sounds during your experience? YES!!!!! Beautiful, beautiful music. The most beautiful music I have or most likely ever will hear. But this music was not from instruments, it was from the voices of millions and millions even billions of “angels” or beings of light. It was not spoken either, it was emanating from their “inner most part”.

7) Did you see a light? If so, did you see the light from a far distance, in front of you, beside you, behind you, or merged into oneness with you?
Yes!!! I saw a very bright, powerful, loving light that seemed to be a million miles away but close at the same time. I knew this light was God. It was powerful, almost overwhelming. It was in front of me, but it also went through me and made me aware of LOVE, that God is Love and it permeated my being. I was instantly aware of every single molecule of my body, but my body was not there.

8) If you saw a light, who or what did you perceive the light to be? GOD, LOVE, ALL THAT IS OR EVER WILL BE.

9) Did this light have any immediate impact upon you? If so, describe. YES as I mentioned before. I knew that I knew that I knew this was GOD. I realized how powerful and pure this LOVE was. I also knew that I could not withstand its power in the “flesh”. I am not sure how to describe this. I get tears welling up even as I recall and type this.

10) Did you see or sense any other beings or entities present during your experience? Explain. YES!! Billions of angels or beings of light. For the most part they had no definite, finite shape, but they were fluid and white, with a tinge or tint of blue or indigo in their center. There were many “tranes” of these beings circling all around the Light/God, they were praising Him and two were holding me up, but I could not see these two, but we communicated with each other. Imagine being in space with no stars, total darkness, with the exception of this enormous bright light radiating out, with billions of angels circling all around. This was what I saw. There were no buildings, trees, etc, just light and space.

11) Did you experience a feeling of love or intensified feelings? Explain. Absolutely, as I mentioned above. This was the most powerful life changing feeling of love I have ever felt. Somehow I was just given knowledge and I realized we are poor vessels of expressing this great love. In this life we do and say things to try and convey this powerful Love, but we are hard pressed to do a good job. This love was so pure and powerful it was as if you could touch it and see it, as if it was tangible.

12) Did you experience any frightening or negative feelings during your experience? Describe. Not really. I do remember “thinking” to myself that I was unworthy and that I couldn’t sing like all the angels I was seeing and that I was ugly in comparison to what I was witnessing, but the two angels that were holding me up assured me that I was there for a reason and that I was worthy and beautiful. We didn’t communicate with spoken words it was like telepathy.
13) Did you observe anything frightening during your experience? No.
14) During your experience did you reflect upon your life or someone else’s or have a life preview? Describe. No, it seems to me this experience was provided to give me deep insight and to “kick start” something within me. There was no life review (past, present or future) of myself or anyone else.
15) Did you observe colors, sounds, landscapes, animals, buildings or anything unusual or unfamiliar to you? Describe. YES - Color, Light and Sound were the only thing I observed/heard. There was nothing manmade or familiar in the modern sense. Color, Light and Sound were the three main subjects of this experience aside from the obvious - God and Love. God gave me an acronym for C-Color, L-Light and S-Sound … CSL= these three things Creat Spirtual Liberation. Again, I felt like I was in space, with no visible stars, sun or planets there was nothing manmade nor were their buildings or any recognizable shapes or forms just the God and billions of angels (One enormous powerful bright pure white light and billions of beings of light).
Update:  02/18/10 - I re-read this post and wanted to elaborate further on the CSL acronym that God gave me. Color Light and Sound have a very powerful effect on our bodies - for years I have studied so many deep subjects about the properties of all three - but just to give someone an idea of what I have learned... think of what was being done when they marched around Jericho.... marching, and singing praising....the wall came crashing down... think of an opera singer's voice and how she or he can shatter glass just with his or her one voice!!!  We were created to Praise God in all things in all ways, this is so powerful... I wish I could describe it with my limited vocabulary.  In the Beginining God literally spoke all of creation into existence.  We really have no idea what power He has given us through our voices, and our words.  Did you know that it is sound waves, in fact the sound wave of the note "C" is used to repair DNA!!!  I am sure there are many many references to this power in scripture...but suffice it to say, I hope these examples give you some insight into what I am trying to convey regarding praise and worship.... because it is through our praise and worship that we are liberated on a very deep and spiritual level!

16) Did time or space seem altered to you in any way? Explain. There was no Time. Space was distorted in that the light and some of the angels seemed a million miles or more away, but at the same time I felt extremely close. I could see equally as well a million miles away as I could very close up. Time and distance didn’t exist.

17) Did this experience seem real or dream-like or a hallucination? Explain. Very real - The only “sense” that was not engaged was that of smell. It was vivid and because I became instantly aware of every single molecule in my body, it made it even more real than “real life” itself - or so it seemed.

18) Did you experience a sense of oneness or unity with everyone and everything? Explain Yes and No. Yes because everything about me was permeated with this Great Light/Love. No because I was somewhat of an observer and less of a participant in what I was witnessing. But I was there. Its very hard to explain.

19) Did you receive information about future events or someone or something that was unknown to you previously? Explain. No. I feel that I was receiving supreme truths about God and Love, that I have incorporated into my daily life and my perceptions about our existence. I have had dreams however since this experience that I believe gives me insightful truth or revelations about the state of the “Church”. I also can be watching a movie, or hear something on the radio and a certain word or phrase will seem to light up or be made prominent in some way, to reveal something to me, another greater truth or insight. For example, I feel certain that when God wants me to research or learn about a new topic, this will happen. On one particular night I had a dream and during one part of the dream the word Quigong showed up. I knew that this was a key part of the dream I should recall. The very next day a video I had ordered arrived. The video was not about Quigong (spelled differently sometimes) but there was one part of the video where the person speaking, spoke about this subject. It was a confirmation to me that I needed to read and study this more in depth. I have yet to do that. God has given me many, many topics to study and read about. Another time I was watching the movie “The Mothman Prophecies” and there is one scene where someone is telling the main character a story about perception. I think he used the scenario of a man in a high rise looking down on the city and how his perception allowed him to see something that was happening, while the two guys would have no knowledge of it because it was several blocks away, out of their line of sight. To me, this “revelation” was not only a truth, but a lesson and realized it was the entire reason I ended up renting the movie. Another was during the movie of K-Pax with Kevin Spacey. Kevin (as the main character Prot) spoke about the speed of light being equivalent to the note of “C”. This resonated with the connection I had with color, sound and light as a result of the NDLE, it fueled my desire to learn about the properties of these three things. I live to dream as well. This is when I learn the most and more truth is revealed. God and I take journeys during “dream time”. We often go to places or bodies of water, or often times I am flying or perhaps “out of my body”. For example one very vivid dream took me down to the banks of a river, where he “communicated” to me that he wanted me to observe the flow of water. As I went down the bank I noticed it had recently flooded and there was debris all along the sides, and there was a beautiful black and white scaled fish caught in a bush. This represented the message in Revelations, where he speaks about being neither hot nor cold, but because you are neither and lukewarm he is about to spit you out of his mouth. This was the letter written to the church of Laodicean I believe. As I noticed the water, he also told me to observe the rocks and how they were smooth, and how the current was the fastest and strongest in the middle. I also noticed how the water swirled along the edges and debris was caught up there and how it became stagnant. The truth revealed here, was that many churches and so called “moves of God” were not true. God is constantly moving and sometimes we get caught up in something not realizing that God has continued to move on “the middle current” and we become stagnant because we get focused on an aspect or even a miracle which distracts us from the source. There are so many more, but these are just examples.

20) Did you receive knowledge about someone or something that was known to you previously but now this information became more important to your understanding? Explain. Yes, about God, about love, about color, light, sound. There were no differences in Heaven, no male nor female, no black nor white, no english or chinese. We are all the same inside. The experience has caused me to perceive God as something or someone radically different than the traditional teachings I have been exposed to. Not so much in contradiction to but a deeper, richer, perception of what I have been taught. God became more real to me than any human being that I knew or will know. God taught me much about life and living through this experience. He also taught me much about the light spectrum the properties of light, of sound and color. He caused me to feverishly search and read about many topics that all relate back to this experience. I am forever seeking the truth and am keenly interested in mystical things, science, mathematics, ancient history and cultures, etc.

21) During your experience were you given an understanding of the meaning and purpose of life? Explain. Purpose - I am still figuring that out. But this experience has given me the tools and desire to search many things out and continue to seek God in all things. Honestly I don’t know that Purpose is a good word - purpose seems to convey finality, or an ending event. As it is with God, we are evolving (I am not sure how to explain this) except that in one translation (literal) of the original Hebrew text, in Exodus Moses asks God for his name and God’s reply was “Ehyeh asher ehyeh” traditionally translated is “I am that I am”, however it’s most literal translation is “I shall be that I shall be”. Ehyeh is in the imperfective aspect, and can be understood as God saying that he is “in the process of being”, a reference saying that he exists in all times, constantly, eternally. I think if there is a “purpose” to this experience it would be to grasp that we are NOT apart from God, in fact that we are “in the process of being”, eternally with God. In a traditional Christian sense, it is understanding the difference of “going to Calvary and the Cross” and ” becoming One with Christ, and dieing with Him to emerge on the other side of the cross/death”. We are taught so often to lay our burdens down at the Cross, but rarely do we “lay ourselves” down with Him and begin to truly merge with the mind of Christ and become One with Him in all that we do, think, see, hear, and identify with. It is the key difference between having life and having it more abundantly.

1) What was the most relevant and meaningful part of your experience? Why?This is a very hard question. It was all relevant and the “experience” seems to continue. There were what I feel Supreme Truths revealed to me. 1) A true revelation of God. One that forever has changed my view of traditional religious systems and cultures. A supreme truth of who and what God is… God IS Love. 2) that we are NOT apart from God, God is not someone or something up or out there. Now one of my favorite passages in scripture is in Luke 17:20-21 when the Pharisees ask Jesus when the Kingdom of God would come and Jesus replied “The Kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say “Here it is” or “There it is”, because the Kingdom of God is within you”. We are not and have not been separated from God. Rumi wrote a poem that summarizes this truth beautifully:

“Where is God?”
I tried to find Him on the Christian cross, but He was not there; I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to the old pagoda, but I could not find a trace of Him anywhere.I searched the mountains and the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him. I went to the Kaaba in Mecca, but He was not there either.
I questioned the scholars and philosophers, but He was beyond their understanding.
I then looked into my heart and it was there where He dwelled that I saw him; He was nowhere else to be found.

3) That from God’s perception there is no true differences among us. He doesn’t look upon flesh, He doesn’t see male and female as we do. In fact God encompasses both male and female, He is both.
4) Just as he taught me about how a prism will split pure white light so that we see most of the colors of the spectrum, it should be our goal to know and understand who and what He is, so that we line ourselves up with Him, to reflect as many colors/characteristics of Himself as we can. We cannot each individually do this, we must act as one. Just as one is given the gift of teaching, another has been given the gift of exhortation. The Whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts.

22) Did this experience increase or decrease your spiritual or religious beliefs or practices in any way? If so, in what way? Yes increased exponentially my spiritual beliefs so much so that everything I do and say is in some way connected with God and my search to know more to experience more. I do not believe in “religion”… I now see “religion” as a business of sorts. I am disgusted by organized religion and see it as being so far removed from God’s purpose and plan, that I no longer attend traditional church services and haven’t for several years. The experience has also caused me to question everything that I have ever been taught about “religion” and the Bible. I do not believe today that the Bible as we know it and have, is the intended version or interpretation. I also do not believe that the Bible alone is or should be our sole source of information about God and his character or ways. I believe that the Bible still contains many fundamental truths, but it has been tampered with so much that a great deal of insight and deep Supreme Truth is difficult to find. A great example would be me telling you about a car. If I gave you no further details you would conjure up an image in your mind that suits you or that you are familiar with. However if I clarified for you the model and make of the car, all its amenities, horsepower, color, etc… you have a much more rich and robust understanding of what I am speaking about, rather than just a car. I recently realized this could have significant consequences. The example I use is that of nuts versus peanuts, if you didn’t know the difference but were deathly allergic to peanuts, as many are - you see my point here.

23) Following your experience, do you consider yourself to be more spiritual than religious? If so, how would you explain this to others? Yes, as noted in the previous answer, I am very spiritual but not at all religious. Traditional Sunday morning services offer me little. In fact I perceive these services as fund raisers and in some cases fun theatrics to entertain us. I am disgusted by the amount of money spent on Church related functions, buildings, etc. I lived in Nashville TN for a short time, and there are mega churches there. I can’t imagine what one month’s electric bill could do, if it was spent feeding the poor or providing shelter for the homeless. Often times the pastors of these churches speak about the principles of living, of being successful and while they incorporate many of the “spiritual laws”, they rarely talk directly about God, the character of God, of His great love, because they don’t know Him. Just as these supreme truths I have spoken of apply to us all, so do spiritual laws and we can use them to our advantage - we use the “system” of God, but rarely acknowledge Him, or seek to Know Him - the Source of this system/law.
24) Do you feel more, less, or still the same in areas of compassion, love and acceptance of others? Explain. A million times more compassionate, forgiving, and accepting of others. I now know how God sees us (no differences) and therefore it is hard for me to create separation among myself and others. I am compelled to see others from this perspective and I am compelled to forgive and accept others, just as I am compelled to do the same with myself.

25) Do you feel more, less, or still the same in your desire to help others? Explain. More, but at the same time, the motivation is to “enlarge His Kingdom” in adoration for God. I want to “bless God” and I can do this by speaking about this experience and truth and cause people to seek Him, at least that is my hope. To help others understand that all that we need we already have, besides it was Jesus Himself that said “the Kingdom of God is within us” and if the Kingdom of God is WITHIN US, then where does He dwell…. WITHIN US!!!!!! I want people to know the TRUTH. I cannot show them God, I cannot tell them where He is located….per se, but I can’t stir their minds and hearts to ask questions and seek Him, to seek Truth and if they should come into a greater revelation of God, then He is Known that much more, He becomes that much more alive in the hearts and minds of others. To Know Him is, I mean IS, to Love Him.

26) Did you talk about this experience with anyone? How did people respond? Yes, not all the time. In fact, less than I thought I would. People have to be ready to hear something like this. There is some slight hesitation on my part, because sometimes people become envious and they want a similiar experience. So often times I will share the knowledge I have received as a result, rather than the experience itself. However, when I have shared the experience most have been extremely inspired, its as if something has touched their souls and they ask questions and are amazed at the Truth that resonates within them. Many are “moved” to tears.

27) Have you lost interest in materialism and competition to achieve a higher standard of living? Explain. Yes, I battle with this almost daily now. I get very frustrated at being caught up in the “american dream” and I feel tremendous guilt at times for having “things” and more than others. I call it the conveyor belt of life, that I must step off from time to time to “LIVE”. Material things mean nothing to me, while I have them, such as a home, a car, a good job, in the big picture I know they are nothing. My greatest posession or should I say gift, is peace. People will often times hear me say that I look forward to the day when I can retire, move to the mountains, live in an old cabin and just LIVE!!!! To experience God more, to absorb all that surrounds me and to listen. I write many things about this ever increasing dream/desire.

28) Did this experience lessen your fear of death? Explain. I have absolutely no fear of death. I do have some “feelings” about the process of dieing, such as associated pain, or discomfort, but it really doesn’t have much value. My biggest fear, is that I haven’t done enough, or didn’t do it right, or passed up an opportunity because I have been distracted by that “conveyer belt of life” I just spoke about earlier.

29) Do you have a better sense of self-acceptance? Explain. Yes, most definitely. I am absolutely content and happy with who I am, even as I continue to learn the answer to that question. As I said before I realize I am in the process of being… and in the meantime, I am Tim, however you and the world around me chooses to perceive me, right, wrong or indifferent I am ok with it. I play many parts, but the essence of who I am, is clear to me… and that is that I am part of God. I am His creation and because of that I am in some way an expression of God himself, just as we all are. Just as you may express yourself through a poem or song, or maybe you create a masterpiece painting… God chose to express Himself through each of us. We ourselves are evidence of something greater.

30) Have you developed a deeper appreciation or feel a bond with nature following your experience. Explain. Yes, I see all things as God’s creation and therefore I see God in all things/people.

31) Is solitude more important to you following your experience? Explain. Yes - that is one reason I look forward to retiring and living in the mountains, somewhat secluded. It comes from the desire to rid my life of distractions so that I can spend time alone with God, meditating, enjoying and learning from Him and His creation. My greatest desire is when the day comes that I leave this world to move into the next. It sounds morbid to those who don’t understand, but I truely am living to die, and I am working on dieing to self daily. I am more alone when I am not with God, in communion with Him. I often tell people that I “play the part” of this life, I am keenly aware that this world is NOT my home. It doesn’t come without great frustration, to know of a place an existence such as the one I experienced in the NDLE and not having a way to return, or thinking that the only way to return is through the death of this body. It fuels my interest in out of body experiences, out of body travel, and lucid dreaming.

32) Do you feel this experience is sacred or holy in some way? Explain. Not sacred and holy in the traditional sense as I understand it. But sacred in the sense that it changed my life, I cannot escape it nor do I desire an escape from all that the experience has caused. It is my connection to God, it is my reference point for living, for life - a reference point in understanding my past, finding joy in the present and a thrilling and overwhelming hope for the future.

33) Following your experience, do you have more, less or still the same feelings of an inner sense of Spirit or of the God of your understanding? Explain. I feel I have a much greater sense of God and therefore a much greater understanding. At any given time or moment I feel I am capable of “tuning” into God and hearing His voice. And when I do, great but simple truths/revelations emerge that continue to change my life and positively influence the lives of others.

34) Do you have a greater desire to read, study, share, or discuss matters of a spiritual nature following your experience? Explain. More than I can contain. Since the experience I almost have an obsessive desire to learn and learn and learn. I have approximately 7 to 8 books going at one time and can read a 500 page book at one sitting. I get frustrated at the limitations that time places on us along with our obligations or self imposed obligations. Literally, everything I read and study is in some way connected to this one experience and has been for many years.

35) Following your experience, are you more accepting of all people’s different religious beliefs or less tolerant? Why? More accepting. I have come to the conclusion that we all are on different paths, that lead to the same place.

36) Are you more sensitive to sounds, light, allergies, electric or electronic malfunctions, etc. following your experience? Explain Yes, more so to color, sound and light. Music is divine to me. It doesn’t take much for me to get teary eyed listening to music. It permeates me, it touches something deep within my soul that I can’t explain. Specifically music without words. More specifically certain instruments, like the cello, violin and piano. Some of my favorites are Celtic, Opera, pure instrumental pieces like with Bach, Vangelis, Mozart, etc. I do enjoy certain artists, like Enya and Loreena McKennit who I was fortunate to see/hear recently in Asheville, NC.

37) Did you notice an increase in intuitive, psychic or healing abilities after your experience? Explain. I am not sure about this, I am very discerning and am able to discern the motivation behind actions or speech. Its a “knowing” I am not sure how to describe it. I have many many vivid dreams now, most often I consider them journeys and many times they reveal “truth” or I dream about healing often. I get very tender hearted especially with kids. I work in healthcare management and have the opportunity to see and know about many cases. In the back of my mind, I am saying to myself and to the kids I see, such as ones with MS or other debilitating conditions, “It won’t always be this way”, or I feel something like guilt or inadequacy for not being able or knowing how to heal them.

38) Did you become more creative (art, music, writing, etc.) or more intellectual following your experience? Explain. I have a compelling desire to be creative, and more so to learn to play a musical instrument. I have this overwhelming sense that a “door” will open if I pursue learning to play the piano or violin. Even thinking about doing it causes me to have “goose pimples” and my eyes get teary. I can’t explain it, but I know it is something I must do before I die. I have always been a “writer” of sorts and have written many things that I feel are divinely inspired. Time and life distractions have kept me from it, but I feel perhaps that God has made it easy for me. A neighbor two doors down from me obviously teaches piano lessons, and I have yet to do so, but compelled to ask her to teach me. We shall see!

39) Do you personally have a sense of mission or purpose to fulfill upon your return to physical consciousness? Explain. I think I am still trying to figure this out. It is my hope that while I may never be fully “aware” of my purpose, that I am in fact fulfilling that purpose. I believe that as human beings, it is easy for us to become power hungry or to become prideful, and therefore I am happy to not fully understand my “purpose” but to enjoy this compelling desire to grow and learn more and to share with others who are seeking the same.

40) Do you view life and humanity’s purpose on earth any differently now? Explain. This would be difficult for me to convey with the language I am limited with - We are all part of something much greater than ourselves. If there is any purpose, it would have to be to come into the knowledge and revelation of this truth and ultimately God.

41) In retrospect, do you think this experience happened for a reason or to help you in some way? Explain. Yes, the reasons are many but fundamentally speaking, it must have happened to give me foundation, to fuel a desire, to compell me to seek out answers and not to settle for what I have been taught and what I see and hear around me. From a universal perspective it would have to be to share with others that they might also begin to seek and to not settle for something be it a doctrine, a school of thought, whatever the case may be. We must seek to know the Truth and God for ourselves. We cannot rely on others to forge a relationship with something or someone else for us. Just as we do not have relationships with our mothers or fathers through our brothers and sisters, we also cannot have a relationship with God through our pastors and congregations. What we can do is share what we learn through our own relationship with God, with each other.

32) What is the single most important bit of wisdom you wish to tell others who have not had a transcendent type of experience? Seek Him in all things, great and small, acknowledge Him in all things. Searh for the God of your understanding and being, however you perceive him or her or it to be. Take time out to listen to that inner voice, the one that you think is yourself, the internal dialogue that takes place in your head… When I was a child I asked my Mother who God was, and her honest yet simple reply was “That voice in your head that tells you when you are about to do something wrong, and the same voice that assures you that everything is going to be ok”… We MUST seek Him for ourselves. Whoever, or whatever you call God, the Supreme Force, the Great I am, whoever or whatever you perceive as God, you must seek Him for yourself. That voice has never left me, I just stopped listening for a while. This experience made that voice real, and just because someone else hasn’t had the same experience, doesn’t mean they can’t experience God in a very real and life changing way right this very minute. An example of this was recently I was on my way home from work and I had stopped at an intersection and while waiting for the light to change, I noticed along the curb some trash and debris but in the middle was a bright yellow flower growing through the cracks of the asphalt. I suppose I was beating myself up over something that day or week, and God spoke very clearly to me that “even among the trash there is beauty, even among the most dire situations, I am there”. So when I am feeling regret over past mistakes and choices, or perhaps when I step into a place of judgement toward another, I am reminded of this truth - He is there, He has always been there and always will be. We simply have to listen, observe. He shows up everywhere, but only if we are looking for Him.

The Near Death Experience

I will share this for as long as I live and as long as someone will listen. It changed my life, and continues to this day.

Many years ago, maybe 10 or more, I was accustomed to meditation and prayer every night, I was not religious by any means and I did not attend every church service. Much of my relationship with God developed outside of the traditional church service. There are many more things I could share with you that would help bring you to the point of this experience, but to save time, I will just start here.

Every evening and for many years now, I look forward more than anything, to that time of prayer. To a time when I felt I was connecting and communicating directly with God. Many of my prayers were much like any one else, asking for the things I felt I needed in my life, and that of family and friends, coworkers, the world. But I began to realize a deeper need that wasn’t so evident. For years, as many do, I spent my time asking for things or situations from someone I didn’t even know. He was my security blanket, or band-aid. I imagined if this God loved me as much as I have been taught to believe He did, then didn’t he also long and even ache for me to know Him and not just what He could do for me? I experienced this later in life with my biological father, always there to provide money, and buy me things, but I never knew him. So….I made an effort to listen…to become attuned to that “voice” within. My mom explained it to me when I was kid….and I will never forget it. “Mom, how do you know when you hear God’s voice?” Her honest reply was “its that little voice in your head that tells you not to do something that you shouldn’t”. Simple answer and sufficient for probably a 7 year old at the time. I later realized she was really speaking about consciousness. And that was the God conscious I would hear when I was about to do something wrong, or some would call the “mind of Christ”…..unlike my own.

So on this particular evening I laid in bed praying, listening and trying to shut off my own brain with all it’s thoughts and ramblings, until it was still, so that I might hear that voice. I remember so many nights feeling what I call the presence of God….that tingly, electrical feeling you get is all I can use to describe it. Many many mornings that is the same feeling that would wake me up, and not the alarm clock. Even now as I type, I am aware of His presence….but not always. I am laughing remembering, that I would often say “God, I have everything I need, I want to hear from you, I want to know what you’re thinking, whats on your mind, if I never was given any other blessing, even if you took away the breath in my body, I still have everything, YOU…and because YOU created all things, and all things exist in YOU, if I have YOU, what else is there?”
I don’t remember falling asleep, I don’t remember a specific moment when things changed, but at some point just being caught in this feeling of His presence, I found myself in another world, another place. A place where time didn’t exist, where there was nothing physical to be seen or experienced. The only way I can describe it visually, was space without stars, dark, but full of light. Because before me and all around me were beings of light. I suppose you can call them angels, but that is a very elementary description of what I was seeing. Some people would say I had an out of body experience, more progressive Christians would say I was having an open vision. All I know is that it was the most real experience I have ever had to this day. I didn’t have a body and couldn’t see myself. It was as if my mind or my conscious was existing somewhere else. I remember feeling like I was being held up or supported by two of these angels, but I couldn’t see them.

There was a tremendous beautiful white light in the center of my view. It was pure, I don’t know how I knew this but I just knew it. And I realized that this was God. I didn’t see a man in a long flowing robe, or with long hair or a beard, just pure white glorious light. All around Him were billions even trillions of angels that extended for what seemed like millions and millions of miles. I felt so far away but I felt so close at the same time. It was as if time and distance didn’t exist. Hard to explain or convey with the words I have in my vocabulary.

I could write a book on this one experience and all the things I have learned since because of it.
The angels all were light, there were no features that were recognizable, or distinguishable, I could not see a difference between male and female, black or white, American or European…..there were no differences. They all had somewhat of a bluish indigo color in the center and other colors, smoky even…but brilliant. I was absolutely fascinated and overwhelmed….by what I was seeing. Then I became aware of what I was feeling.
I can’t even begin to describe what I was feeling, but only what I know because of it. I was completely and totally saturated with love. Every molecule of my being or body or whatever you want to call it there, was permeated. His love is so powerful it literally touches every single molecule, atom, electron……I realized in that moment, here on earth in this life, we are poorly equipped for the expression of this great love. Here, we get glimpses of love, through the nice things we do, the things we say, the tears we shed….we can only attempt to express this through our acts and words. But in Heaven (if this is where I was)…..Love is not expressed it simply JUST IS!!!! I remembered scriptures that describe God as being Love, God IS love. His love is so pure its as if it’s tangible, like you touch and really truly see it. This feeling that everything about me was permeated, is the same feeling I get now when I say I feel His presence. Its like every molecule just lights up, and you have this electrical feeling radiating over your body. Its like everything inside you starts to vibrate. I would imagine its like the behavior of two tuning forks. If you strike one and another is within “range” the other one starts to vibrate and resonate with the other on its own. I felt totally connected with Him, like being submerged in warm water, but not only do you feel its effects on the outside on your skin, but also within. I guess you could say I felt like what a sponge would feel like if submerged and completely saturated.
Here in this life, love is so often mistaken for many other things and many other things are mistaken for love. We do things in an attempt to express it, but fail many times. There is no greater love than that of God, even a mother’s love for her child pales in comparison…and the reason this is so, is because we are limited in our ability to express it, to show others what it is. I think of a person born with no sight or hearing. I would imagine the only expression of love he or she could comprehend would be through touch…and one day if he/she was able to hear and see, and someone said “I love you” even with tears running down their face, he/she would still not be able to comprehend what was being communicated. Often times our frames of reference of what we perceive is love, is distorted and corrupt and therefore so is our expression of it.
Another remarkable thing is that I was communicating with these angels, but not with words, spoken, we didn’t even have vocal cords, that’s flesh, and nothing of flesh could withstand His glory. I understood it, remembering again, that if you saw the face of God you’d die, not being able to withstand it. There was so much warmth there.

In Heaven everything is visible. Here we communicate with body language, with the spoken language, with writing, with music. But in Heaven everything is before you, there is no need to question, no need to discern or figure out something. No language barriers. You get tremendous amounts of revelation knowledge by seeing. Imagine if you were blind and someone was describing a bird to you…. Having never seen one, you’d probably have some crazy image in your mind about what a bird looked like…. But if you could actually see it, immediately you’d know, no description needed. I now understand the importance and advice of the scriptures to “not look upon sin” because you literally take it into your being. Our eyes are truly the windows to our souls. Likewise with our ears. What we choose to listen to, ends up residing in our spirits. Like computer programming, what goes in comes out, even if it’s a defect J and sometimes it shows up in the most unusual or unexpected places and may not show up for months or even years.

In Heaven you truly are transparent, because you are a reflection of Him. I remember formulating the question in my mind why all the angels were the color they were. I received my immediate answer then and continue to receive it to this day. The angels were literally a reflection of the pure white light. This is how God taught me about the light spectrum and how you could split pure white light up with a prism to see all the colors of the rainbow. Days later I asked for more information more answers to what I experienced and God caused me to think about a prism, and taught me a simple principle. God has many many characteristics, and it is our purpose and should be our goal to line up just so with him, to reflect all the many colors/characteristics of Himself. Because when you line up a prism just right with a ray of white light, all the colors become visible(well most, indigo isn’t visible to the naked eye) The true nature of the light is revealed and expressed. It’s the same with God. When we become attuned to Him, lining up with His ways, His true nature is revealed through us.
I am saving the best for last.

One other aspect of this experience, was much more powerful than what I was seeing or feeling….it was what I was hearing. There was such beautiful music. The most beautiful music I have or most likely ever will hear. All these millions of angels were praising Him, in complete adoration and worship, but what was even more amazing was that again this music was not being sung with their mouths…it was simply emanating from their inner most part. In this life, on earth, you would say it was coming from their hearts. I was so humbled so moved, by this. The only way I could describe it so that you might comprehend it, is to ask you to imagine the whole world, all of creation, every living thing, from the biggest mammal to a one cell organism, even the ocean and winds, singing in perfect, absolute perfect harmony. To this day, I wonder what would happen if everyone on earth decided to at the very same moment, sing the same song, or even hum. I can’t imagine what that would do. There are even theories on how the Egyptians moved the tons of stone to build the pyramids…some think it was through the use of their voice. It reminds me of the story ofJericho and how the people marched around the wall….(causing vibration) and how they praised with song and music, and the wall came tumbling down.

I realized so much and had so much revelation that I can’t even begin to touch on here, but one thing was that I knew without any doubt that the music is what kept the angels lifted up. The vibration of this sound was what kept them suspended and circling around Him. They were compelled to worship and praise and it was as if they had no control of this music that emanated from their inner most part. I remember the story of the woman that had an issue of blood in the bible and how she struggled to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment. He spoke about how “virtue” went out of Him. Being in God’s presence like that, you lose control, and this music/praise just comes out of you. I wish I could explain it better. This part of the experience led to me to the study of Cymatics, which proves that vibration does in fact have the ability to cause physical matter to transcend gravity. Although there was nothing physical in this place. What I was hearing I have learned since is what some have called “the music of heaven”. There is a man I haven’t met personally but who is a minister that speaks of this very same thing in a way that confirmed to me so beautifully that he also has experienced this “music of heaven”. Cymatics describes the principle of “order out of chaos” ..when physical matter such as sand is exposed to vibration, the grains of sand seem to jump around in a mad disarray, but as the vibration continues the sand takes on an intricate geometric pattern, (many of which are found throughout nature in the design of our bodies, the veins of a leaf and so on) and may change according to the frequency and amplitude. Order is established. It makes perfect sense. It makes me think of how trial and tribulation can bring repentance, realigning us with our Creator, God.

Although I knew it was next to impossible, if the angels were to ever stop praising and just one, even one, had the beginnings of a thought to praise Him and sing, all the other millions and millions would instantly join in. Even thoughts are visible in Heaven. I think about all the evenings I have sat on our back porch growing up and listening to the crickets and frogs, sometimes even the whippoorwills…. if one started to sing, they all did… a mighty chorus instantly turned on by the voice of just one. I am amazed even to this day, at the evidence that surrounds us that speak of God, and Heaven. As above so below, on earth as it is in Heaven.
I could say so much more. But I think this gives you an idea of why I have such compassion and interest in studying and reading so many things. Like I said, to me everything in some way for me, is an effort to understand and know who God is and who I am in Him, and what better way to do that than through His creation, from the simplest things to the most complex. Through His Word.  There is TRUTH everywhere. if you seek it, you shall find. Knock and it shall be opened.  (Since documenting this experience, I have grown a great deal spiritually and understand the importance and great reward of studying His Word and being in His presence, but I also still see and experience Him through His creation)

I think our experiences are shaped by the limitations that traditional teachings, put on us. I realized after this how extremely important it was for each person to have their own personal relationship with God. We don’t have relationships with our parents through our brothers and sisters, neither should we attempt to have a relationship with God through our pastors, our Christian friends, etc. God teaches us in the way we individually can understand. Certainly we can glean wisdom and understanding through others, but He is the source of truth.

At the same time I learned that even though I have been taught indirectly and directly to shun other religious systems of belief, or practices, that there is still truth to be discovered and embraced. The basic fundamental truth I have discovered for my own life, is that no matter where you go, or what you do, when you search for God you will find Him. He exists in the person you work with, the flowers that spring up along the roadside, in the wind that brings the rain and the same wind that destroys. He is revealed in the complex research that is being conducted about DNA, to the vastness of the galaxy we look upon at night. I hear Him in the voices of others, and the sound of a violin as the bow moves across it’s strings. 

So I am compelled, driven even to discover, to search to continue on this journey that has been and continues to be one of magnificent and awe inspiring adventure.

Perhaps this sheds some light on what fuels my fascination and my intrigue. Why maybe I am so passionate about all the things I read and study.

He provided a scripture that comes close to what I witnessed, wanting some confirmation shortly there after. I asked for it…He said “open your bible”….this is what I found:

Revelations 5:11-13“Then I looked and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne, the living creatures, and the elders; and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice: Worthy is the Lamb who was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom, and strength and honor and glory and blessing!And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying:Blessing and honor and glory and power, be to Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb forever and ever!” (New King James Version)

There have been many more confirmations of this for me, outside of the scriptures such as the things I have discovered by studying cymatics, the properties of sound, properties of color, physics, etc…
I know its been a lot to read, but I hope you were blessed in some way by it.