I feel compelled, moved even to share an update with my own personal, very personal walk, transformation - I guess sanctification process.
I have literally fallen in love with the Word, with God, and it grows each day. I have confessed a life of sin some months back on this blog - the main and obvious one being homosexuality. Sometimes I hesitate to write about it because I know in doing so it will alienate people, offend people, create distance and invite persecution. But that is not what God has called me to do. I remind everyone who reads, I am not condemning anyone, how can I, lest I condemn myself? Obviously this isn't written for someone who rejects the Truth of God, the One True Living God and all Christ accomplished... the bottom line is if you don't believe it, you just don't. If you are happy with your life and don't want anything more, this isn't for you. But there are those out there who do, and this is for you. No matter what is holding you captive no matter what sin you have in your life.
I have and have had addictions of every kind. Mt. Dew, cigarettes, pornography are the obvious ones. Living a life of homosexuality has ended. Do I still have thoughts, yes, do I still get those voices in my head that say "why don't you just look, or its only pleasure" and I could think of a million more and if I listen to those "whispers" from the enemy and allow them to grow in my mind, eventually they will be acted out in my flesh.
But I tell you the truth - God is delivering me - but I have to do my part, repent, resist and turn away and when those voices come, and those thoughts find their way into my mind, I call upon Jesus and by the power and authority He has given me, the devil DOES flee!!! It's getting easier and easier and they are fewer and farther between. I have also learned (and I am sure its in scripture somewhere) that an idle mind is a very very very dangerous thing and thats usually when the enemy comes in to plant seeds of destruction. Deception will always lead to destruction.
I don't want that life, I don't want to sin, I don't want to be addicted to Mt. Dew and cigarettes or anything. But God is showing me... deliverance. He is leading me out of Egypt. I find myself studying His word, and meditating on it and Him day and night and every free moment I have I am drawn to Him, and His teachings, and I am being transformed. I don't know how else to say it. I can't get enough lately.
I am becoming a new creature in Christ!!! The enemy use to tell me the lie that God couldn't forgive this sin or that, because its so bad, so terrible. And God would remind me. "Tim as long as there is breath in your body, anything is possible with Me!!! and I forgive you!!!, Go and sin no more!!" Surely He has told me that more than once and He has also told me that I wouldn't always have another chance. He has told me many many times, "you must get into the Word, you must fill your heart and mind with My Word"... which in essence is His life, His spirit. There comes a time I think in every sinners life, when they realize their sin, but in doing so also realize they are being held captive by it, having no strength of their own to stop it and become free of it. Thats when the enemy tells you more lies "you'll never be free, you will never overcome this, you're mine"... don't believe that lie!!! God has conquered it all and through His only Son, Jesus Christ, He conquered every sin past, present and future, but we must live in that Truth, acknowledging/confessing our sins before Him and asking for His forgiveness, repent and start following Him! When you find yourself in the middle of the forest and you realize you're pretty deep into, know that when you do an about face, and start heading back out... thats what you are doing, you aren't out of the woods yet, but when you follow Jesus He will lead you out and into the promised land, the promises of God - when you accept the covenant He made for you, with you, and start living for Him, He WILL LEAD YOU OUT, HE WILL SET YOU FREE!
I love Him, I love Him and I want my life to show it. He says in His word we cannot please Him without Faith, and He says if you love me, you will follow my commands. That is what I am pursuing and striving for, through His strength and His instruction, not my own, because I have no strength apart from Him. It is such a fantastic amazing journey, to go from bondage to freedom. I can't explain it or express it any better.
By my sharing this I am just trying to be open and honest about where I am and what is taking place with me on a personal level, on a spiritual level - to be transparent, hoping that maybe someone who reads this wants that same freedom and joy that I am finding and that is growing every day -it is possible and its happening to me at this very moment.
The more I die to self and bring every thought and action under His authority, I am finding that He is more and more alive in me. And with that, His Word is being revealed and He is helping me understand, He guides me and leads me into All Truth!!
He is setting the captive free and breaking bonds, opening blind eyes, and deaf ears and I am so grateful for that. He is empowering me through His Word and Spirit and its really indescribable.
So thats my update. I tell you He is real, He is True, His Word is true and surely a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. I am so thankful and humbled by His grace and mercy, and His eternal love for me!