Jan 14, 2013

Complete and Utter Separation - Dream


Complete and Utter Separation – Dream

This past weekend I watched several youtube videos and one in particular that detailed the dreams of many believers regarding the anti-christ.  After watching the majority of this particular video, I began speaking to God, telling Him that I honestly wasn’t as concerned about who the antichrist was but I was more concerned about the sin in my life.  That is the truth.  I have been so convicted and so aware of my weakness and at times I shutter in fear of God, with little fear of man or what is taking place on the spiritual stage in these end times.  So I asked God that evening, to please help me better understand, help me grow, or for Him to grow more in me, help me conform my will to His own.  So I prayed, “God give me a dream, something that will help me concerning this.”  I woke up at 4:30 A.M honestly amazed that God indeed answered that prayer through a dream.

I recounted everything in my mind and God encouraged me to send myself an email with bullet points so I wouldn’t easily forget. 

In the dream, I was in a dark cold evil place.  The only thing I can compare it to is the inside of a dark moldy sponge.  Imagine living inside that.  I could move rapidly through the tunnels and the maze of never ending openings, but it was still very dark and cold, deep and endless.  I was aware of my brother’s presence but could not see him.  I was also aware of why I was running, I was chasing after my mom, not knowing exactly where she was but doing my best to reach her.  (She passed away in 1998).  During this time, there was an overwhelming sorrow within me, I was wailing from within and without… I was overwhelmed with something worse than grief but that’s what I can compare it with.   I got glimpses of my brother here and there and at some point we caught up with each other still running and I also saw my mother and I chased after her.  I wanted so desperately to be in her presence.  She kept running… then suddenly my brother and I were riding on something.  I remember this feeling that wasn’t conveyed with words, but a communication that I had felt so totally loved and accepted by her and at the same time I was still wailing almost in agony that I was not with her and that I just needed to be in her presence.  Then all of sudden my brother said something that communicated the following:  “It all changed for me on 9/11” – meaning he didn’t feel loved until 9/11.  I don't think this was really applicable to my brother but God was using that statement to show me something.  When he said this I was appalled, completely disgusted feeling and I pulled back and I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  Then the scene changed and I caught up with my mom who had allowed me to run beside her for a short time, and then she reached her destination, a room or chamber, within the darkness but separated unto itself– and my last words to her were “Can I at least call you?” and she said “No” and shut the door.  I was so hurt, felt so rejected and the pain was so unbearable, I then realized I was actually dreaming and I called out to Jesus for it to end and immediately I woke up.  I can't describe the grief, the overwhelming grief I felt when I heard her say "No" and then shut the door.  I felt completely cut off...it was the most horrible awful feeling I have ever felt. 

What I think this dream means.  Since I prayed for God to help me with  understanding better about the sin in my life, I feel certain that He was showing me in part, what it would feel like to be utterly separated from Him.  The closest thing I think we have in this life to the love that God gives us is that of a mother’s love.  There is a tremendous bond between most children and their mothers.  There is nothing quite like a mother’s love.  This dream was more about the feeling than the actual events that were taking place in the dream.  When my brother said he didn’t feel loved until 9/11, I was completely appalled at the idea he couldn’t feel our mother’s love until then.  Because I know that I know she loved us both unconditionally and I just couldn’t understand how he could say that…and I pondered why God caused him to use 9/11 as a reference point.  Then He caused me to think about the book “The Harbinger” which I have read and I realized and remembered “He chastens those He loves” and I firmly believe (like so many other events) 9/11 was a wake up call to His Church, His people, His sheep and I understood then why my brother said that.  God disciplined us and brought judgment upon us through the 9/11 event, because it was just, and He loves us… and wants us to wake up, to turn our hearts toward Him and to repent of our sins.  The journey in the dream was short, and I feel that is an indication of the time we are in now.  The utter separation I experienced in the dream from my mom was indescribable and just like in the days of Noah… she shut the door, and I was not even allowed a phone call to her… God will do the same.  I think there is more to this dream than I am currently able to convey, but God is calling His people right now, to repentance and I am so driven to continually have a repentant heart.  But there is coming a time when repentance will not be an option for many and the door will be shut, and some will be completely cut off from God.  I can’t possibly comprehend that.  If anyone else has any ideas on the meaning of this dream please share.  It is extremely important that we seek God with all our hearts, our minds and our souls.  The sin in our lives keeps us disconnected and separated from God, do not let that separation be unto death!  I am certainly on my own journey personally and through this dream my faith in God has been strengthened because I literally prayed for the dream and He answered it in the same night.  While the dream was dark and caused great pain and grief, I am very thankful that God allowed me to experience that depth of despair (even in a dream) because I know its only a fraction of what I would feel if I was utterly and completely cut off from God.  

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