I am just a little overwhelmed again by God's mercy, His grace, His love, His forgiveness. There is so much I don't understand, or comprehend - and I am such a sinner - wretched, and filthy, blind, naked, poor... but He constantly calls me and my soul longs for His presence and to be with Him. I want to be made Holy and righteous, to be at His feet, to know Him more than I know myself.
I am speechless sometimes. Just speechless. This language that I speak - it simply doesn't convey what exists in my heart. It can't... I get to this realization often - understanding that if I could sum it up with words, in any language or a combination of all - then it would be just that "summed up" and it would be finite, and God is infinite. Therefore our praise and gratitude must also be infinite, eternal.
I have been praying for a better understanding of the baptism of the Holy Spirit and I will do more research on that, but I think I am realizing that God is causing me to understand other things that are actually pre-requisites of it.... perhaps a test and practice at hearing His voice and recognizing His leadership for my life.
I look back over what many would have called my "religious" life - one that involved going to church, being on the praise and worship team, getting involved...and doing the "work" sorta speak... but it was all just action, just being busy, just getting caught up in emotions and things that "felt good"... and while I know it served a purpose, it was not a relationship with God. And all the things we are taught, or heard, experienced... much of it if not most of it, was not of God.. I want the real deal...... I want to be completely dead to this "Tim", and be made new, a new creature in Christ, to be completely transformed and transparent.
This "Tim" can produce no good thing, nor is there any good thing in my own heart... I only want to have His, that it would literally beat within me and that I would be found hidden in Him, because all that see me or hear me, would only see and hear Him. That is my prayer, that is my goal, that He would live fully and freely through this body that He has given me, and that His kingdom would be established in my life, in this world. That is the great commission right? Its what I want Lord! I want people to know you, to understand that the "gospel" which means "Good News!!!" is just that ...its GREAT NEWS... no one has anything to lose... really. I mean what we have to trade in only gives us short lived pleasures anyway and given half the chance just destroys us... we can still love one another like you love - if we just allow you to live and work through us. What we have to give up are the lies we have believed, lies that only trap us, confuse us, distract us and divide us... who wants that?
God I believe in you, I believe the Word was with you and that Word became flesh. That flesh was your only begotten Son and His name, IS Jesus Christ, Jesus THE Christ... who took upon Himself all sin for all mankind past, present and future - and that He died on Calvary for us all, and shed His blood for us all, for all our transgressions and iniquities, and He conquered death, hell and the grave rising again in 3 days, just as it is written. I believe He sent the comforter, the Holy Spirit and because of that we can go boldly to the throne, into the Holy of Holies and be in your presence... I thank you for that I thank you for that God!!!!!