Something really has started to become clear to me lately and today maybe crystal clear. Recently a 14 year connection ended (previously blogged about)..I'd like to say it was a friendship but it was mixed up, clouded and dysfunctional and sexual. This person was many things to me for a long time. Someone I considered my best friend, the one that knew most if not all my deepest thoughts, with whom I shared my heart with. My friendship toward this person was betrayed when I discovered a few things over a year ago, longer. But I forgave him. Not until more recently did it become painfully obvious that I had to also tell the truth about some things because the guilt and shame and the need to ask for forgiveness became paramount. So thats what I did, never intending to withdraw my friendship from this person, but because the truth impacted others and because I came clean - this person decided to end the friendship. Today I realize I never turned my back on him, but he did to me when forced to face the truth - which was not my intent, my intent was to come clean for myself and before God, to ask for forgiveness from someone else involved, from God, forgiveness of myself. This reaction, ending what he always called friendship toward me because of this, when he had been forgiven for other things, made it clear there was never a friendship and while that hurt a little - it finally set me free because in reality he finally told the truth by his actions and this time I really saw it for what it was. I am thankful for the separation, the bonds being broken, thankful that I am totally free once and for all. I never realized it would end like this, although I knew it would when God started circumcising my heart. I still pray for this person and so many others frequently - but I realize that until someone is searching for God they will never find Him. So reaching out to these people, who are not reaching out themselves really is a lost cause. I can offer nothing nor can anything be offered to me. I have to trust that God will bring them to a point one day they look up and realize they need God. And when they do I have to trust Him to provide someone there to help them along the journey, to encourage, love and remain steadfast in pointing them in His direction.
The Father Revealed in the Son - Matthew 11:25-30
25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26 Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.
27 “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”