What a wonderful journey life is when we shift our focus on God the pursuit of righteousness and holiness, intimacy with Yahweh.
At 45 (I think thats right) I have - at least in my mind, experienced a great deal of good, bad and ugly. The good far outweighs the bad any day! God has a way, a wonderful way of bringing us to His Truth, of revealing Himself to us - when we are searching for Him. He isn't always so obvious and I think thats on purpose - He is a treasure to behold, more precious than gold or silver, more valuable than anything any human can ever acquire. He is Life!
We can never appreciate the day if we don't have the night, nor health if we are never sick. Surely we can compare our lives to another and only have a textbook understanding of something but when we experience something for ourselves there is a truth that is obtained through that experience that can come no other way. God is no different. You can read all about Him, sing about Him, talk about Him, even ask Him for this or that, but if you don't have an intimate relationship with Him directly you will never know the unspeakable peace and joy that He brings. You will never experience His great love and mercy, grace and compassion first hand. I have said it for years now - we do not have a relationship with our parents through our siblings. We do not have a relationship with God through our friends, family members, pastors and teachers. No! He is real, alive and longing to spend time alone with you. There are no words to describe the overwhelming joy and peace, the renewal and restoration that comes simply by being in His presence.
As it is with life, I have come to the realization that I need more of Him less of me, this certainly is always the case, but we can all benefit from spending more time alone, totally alone with God. However, as with the majority of those living on this planet, we have a million or more things that keep us distracted from doing just that, from Him.
I travel extensively for work and it is difficult at best most days for me to keep up with things. I am single and do not have someone at home to check the mail, to pay the bills, to provide information to the CPA, to file this or that, to run errands to get the car serviced, and the list goes on. With my recent health issues I have found it even more difficult and I tend to forget things more these days, which has only compounded my stress, my debt and a never ending cycle of always being one step behind, one day to late, etc. There are emails, text messages and phone calls to say I have a prescription to be filled or refilled or to be picked up, there are doctor's appointments I forget to put on the calendar and ultimately miss, there are bills that need to be paid, that get overlooked, there are things I need to pick up, flights that need to be booked, cars to be reserved, hotels, expense reports, taxes and toilet paper that simply get overlooked - but what about God? He sometimes gets so far down on the list of "To dos" that He in fact becomes a part of that list. What way is that to live? It isn't life, it ultimately is death because He is the source of all things and without Him, then I am the walking dead, no?
He has put it on my heart more than ever to "come away with Him" and I posted about that some time back, but He hasn't stopped saying that to me. But Lord I say, I have entrapped myself with all this stuff, with all these things and I am not sure how I can break free from this.." I have obligations i.e. I have debt - which He says not to have... What is my biggest burden, my biggest expense, my biggest source of stress and time consumer - my house. A nice 3 bedroom 2.5 bath two story home that I purchased some years ago for just over $161k. A house that stores my stuff that I never really use that collects dust, a house that provides shelter for two cats, 3 aquariums, furniture, books, paper, linens, dishes and out of date food in the pantry. A house that runs 24/7 whether I am there or not that costs me at least $200 or more a month in electricity, over $1200 a year in taxes, I can't recall the insurance, and the list goes on and on and on. The mortgage is just over $1k a month.
I am burdened by it all. While the idea of having a nice house with nice things feels good to my mind, my heart tells me its wrong, its a burden it serves no good purpose, its in vain and ultimately a complete waste of my resources, of His resources.
Its a modest house in the bigger picture, but a mansion to those who have no shelter at all. How can I continue with a clear conscious living this way? I can't. I simply can't. Not only is it a waste of His resources, its a tremendous burden on me.
It appeals to my pride, it steals my time that should be spent with Him, it steals my financial resources that could be spent getting out of debt, helping another, spending quality time with friends and family. What it takes from me is far greater than the shelter and warmth it provides. The return on investment from day to day is a deficit.
So what to do? I have decided to pursue living tiny. That means I will completely rid myself of all the material things that currently occupy this space. It means I will pursue finding a piece of land and building or buying an already built tiny home, definitely less than 1000 sq feet, if not less than 500. It feels right, it will be liberating, it will greatly free up resources in the long run, especially time. The stress will diminish and I will be free(er) in so many ways - to seek Him, to study, to worship, to pray, to live more as He intended me to live. It will give me the freedom to be more generous, to help, to travel, to spend time with family and friends, there will be fewer obligations or the necessity to fix this or that. I will become more available to Him, to others, to myself.
This will be radical. What I own will become next to nothing. I will have a simple life. Someone else will immediately benefit - some things will be given away, others will be sold at a reduced price, I won't have stuff to clean to repair, to think about. My mind will become free from the rambling that goes on in my head when I try to remember what needs to be done or has been overlooked. I will bring my life into submission in many wonderful ways!
Maybe I will start a new blog to document this journey as so many others are taking. I think its important, especially for those who wish to pursue God, to pursue holiness and righteousness. To me its much more than leaving a smaller carbon footprint, being efficient, living modestly. To me it all points back to a more intimate, growing and rich relationship with the One who gives and sustains my life, Yahweh, Yahweh!
I am excited and can hardly wait to see what transpires! Thank you Lord for your loving kindness, for your mercy, your patience, for teaching me wisdom and directing my path. Forgive me of my sin, forgive me of these self imposed burdens that have caused me to stray at times. Forgive me. I can hear Him saying, "we are in this together"... surely You are for me and not against me, surely your mercy and grace follow me all the days of my life! Thank you!