I was just thinking as I was driving back from Staples to pick up ink for my printer..(yet another burden of this life) He has ruined me (good way) its so amazing how when He brings you up higher, how drastically different your perspective changes. Sometimes its the obvious sin in our lives that we think we need liberation from the most, and sometimes that is true but when He molds your heart and mind to seek the things of God: wisdom, understanding, discernment, repentance, etc and you realize the very things that have deceived you the most are your attachments, your intellect, your reasoning... wow what a difference it makes.
I really can't describe what He has been and is doing with me, and I am no saint, but I so desire to be at the very center of His heart and to be empowered to keep ALL His commands, not only because He loves me and I absolutely love what I know about Him so far (its only a fraction of what IS) - He is answering prayer even when we don't feel it, or see it... we expect from our understanding a manifestation of sorts, which most often is not how its gonna work - ahh the mystery of HIs goodness, His faithfulness, His mercies, His perfection. I know coming across Rebecca Sterling's vision and Rebecca herself is no accident or chance happening.
I told someone the other day it feels like (in my spirit when I am able to really focus on it) a very very very deep upwelling of something enormous, like a mighty, mighty current in the deepest ocean, rising and rising... He has turned so many things we live with, into burdens for me, its opened my eyes. The house, the obligations, habits, people coming and going consuming everything in sight, the false teaching and preaching, the deceptions and how deep they go, the constant noise (as opposed to being in silence alone with Him), so many things are changing.
Oh Father I pray! Set us apart! Draw us near, empower us by your Spirit and fill us with wisdom, power and a persistent ache in our hearts to be with You. Empower us to keep ALL your commands, to learn quickly, to be wise, to drink up every drop of your Word that we would be renewed, revived and restored that we would become and remain the remnant, grafted in, bought with your blood, empowered by your Holy Spirit. Open our eyes to see and ears to hear your voice, teach us, comfort us and lead us into all Truth for Your Glory alone!
Thoughts I have when I am out about surprise me. Today as I was driving to staples to get ink I noticed a sign outside a boutique that said "Shoes are louder than words." I immediately thought "What about the Word of God"... when I see commercials I think of the smallest of lies such as "We are rated #1 for.... " this or that, "We are the best in the Nation"... we are surrounded by lies, albeit small and seemingly unimportant, still lies. The deceptions we are subjected to daily never end and no one even realizes it because they have so many attachments, so many idols, so many ties to this world. Few realize how deeply enslaved we are (including myself). The obvious deceptions actually distract us from the subtle ones... we lack understanding or even the desire to acquire it, along with wisdom. We prefer that others think for us, clothe us, feed us, do everything for us and the things we do for ourselves are usually related to some thing or condition we are bound by. So many desires are being removed from me, I can hardly understand it. It feels like I am being turned around in a totally different direction, with laser focus about to come into view, into perspective. I don't want to work in my yard which use to be a peaceful rewarding event, I don't want to buy anything, I don't want to be concerned with my house, my things, I don't want to have to get up and go to work - not because I am lazy, but because I would rather spend that time studying His word, being in His presence..but I find myself in these chains of a mortgage, obligations to people and places, a car loan, medical bills, etc.
My own reasoning and ideals seem to be leaving me, fast! Its liberation! Its freedom! But I deserve none of it and yet I feel I am a long ways from where He wants me to be. So I pray "God do a quick work in me, destroy every idol in my life now! Break every last piece of me that I would not survive but that I would die with You, that I might be resurrected with You! That the old man would finally be put utterly and completely to death!
I want the radical change and faith that would cause me to abandon everything of this world, and trust 100% in Him, at any cost. I really do want that. It scares the you know what out of me, but I know thats what I need, thats the kind of disciple He wants and possibly requires. Surely His grace abounds, but I want to move beyond such great dependence on that grace, I want to be Holy, I want to be righteous!